World Wrestling Federation – Insurrextion 2001 – 5th May 2001
I’m not a major fan of the UK-exclusive pay-per-views, and the line-up for this one really doesn’t fill me with much confidence. There are a couple of promising possibilities – principle amongst them being Chris Benoit and Kurt Angle locking horns in a 2/3 Falls Match. Chris Jericho and William Regal also square off in a Backlash rematch too. Our main event is Undertaker facing the Power Trip in a handicap match for the WWF Title. The rest will, no doubt, be populated with short house show matches and silly skits. Michael Cole and Paul Heyman are in London, UK.
The show opens with Commissioner Regal on the phone to Kurt Angle – telling him that the whole card has been revamped at the last minute. Vince McMahon isn’t happy about the reshuffle, and REALLY isn’t happy that Linda McMahon is behind it. Linda herself pops in to say that she changed the card to produce ‘the best’ card for the UK fans. Ummm…thanks love
SIDENOTE – You’d think Vince and Linda could commit to the divorce angle enough to remove their wedding rings for TV…
Grand Masta Sexay vs Eddie Guerrero
Enjoy this, as it’s the last time you’ll get to see Eddie in a WWF ring on pay-per-view for over a year. Sexay was left to his own devices for much of 2001 as his Too Cool tag partner Scotty 2 Hotty spent a lot of time on the shelf following a broken ankle.
Guerrero piles into Grand Masta during his entrance, immediately giving him the advantage. He steals his sunglasses and tosses them into the crowd…but that show of disrespect seems to motivate Sexay as he flies off the second rope for a missile dropkick moments later. An enziguri follows, with Eddie growing increasingly distracted by the vocal crowd. Sexay is rocking, hitting a Driller dance superkick then a Ligerbomb. He lines up the Hip Hop Drop but misses after Guerrero sits up at the last possible second! Eddie rolls him up using the ropes to win at 04:28
Rating - * - This was as worthless an opening match as you could wish to see. The only thing even remotely entertaining was Eddie Guerrero’s interactions with the crowd. Ironically drug issues would see both of these men released before the end of the year.
Triple H and his 90’s leather beret aren’t sweating the main event at all. He tells Stephanie that he and Steve Austin will have an easy night taking Undertaker apart in a handicap match.
Dean Malenko/Perry Saturn vs Hardcore Holly/Crash Holly
I think by this point both Eddie and Benoit had left The Radicalz, meaning it was just Saturn and Dean competing as a tag team. Tonight their opponents are the dysfunctional Holly family, including Molly Holly at ringside to counteract the threat of Saturn’s girlfriend Terri Runnels.
The gentlemen start the fight on the outside, as in the ring Molly takes Terri to school with a northern lights suplex then a giant swing. Bob takes to the ring with Saturn – hoisting him onto the ropes for a kick to the stomach. The Radicalz join forces in an attempt to isolate Hardcore, with Saturn breaking out some awesome suplexes. Alabamaslam blocked…before both Bob and Perry lie on the canvas FOR NO REASON! What, are they so tired after working for three minutes they need a rest? Crash is tagged in, dropping Perry with a flying headscossors from the top rope. Terri tries to involve herself again and for a second time gets DESTROYED by Molly! As everyone is distracted by that Saturn grabs Crash for the Moss Covered Three Handled Family Credunza and gets the win at 05:37
Rating - DUD - Even worse than the opening match. Saturn hit some fun suplexes, and the Molly/Terri catfights were amusing but this was such a bust. That botched Alabamaslam looked so ridiculous I couldn’t believe my eyes, and what was with Malenko hardly featuring in the match at all?
Highlights of William Regal’s press tour of London are shown before we return to his office, this time with shots of him shining the Queen’s Cup.
Two weeks ago Big Show ‘injured’ Test on Smackdown. He wasn’t cleared to compete (despite heavily featuring in Shane McMahon’s Last Man Standing Match against Show last week at Backlash), so Linda McMahon cancelled Show’s match. It hasn’t stopped the big man from making the trip to London and demanding a fight (or a forfeit win) with him. Test limps out (despite not looking remotely injured at Backlash) and takes the ‘fight’ option. It leads to Show destroying his ribs again. This inane segment drags on with Big Show getting the microphone AGAIN to run his mouth some more. Bradshaw takes offence…leading to an impromptu match.
Big Show vs Bradshaw
It’s impossible to deny that Bradshaw was a decent champion once he took on the JBL persona and moved into what seemed like an undeserved main event slot a couple of years later. At this point watching him, in his tired Acolyte/APA gimmick work a singles match was certainly not desirable – and even less so taking on the lumbering mess that is the Big Show.
Bradshaw marches through the curtain and happily takes the fight to Big Show in the aisle, but by the time they get to the ring he has succumbed to the sheer size of his massive opponent. Show misses an elbow drop – prompting Bradshaw to climb the ropes and hit his top rope football tackle, putting him on the canvas with an offensive move for the first time. He blocks the Chokeslam by clinging to the top rope, so a frustrated Big Show tosses the referee aside then trundles out of the ring to go after the injured Test again instead. Test manages to boot a steel chair into Show’s face…setting him up for the Clothesline From Hell. Bradshaw gets the win at 03:21
Rating - DUD - The sole purpose of this segment was to kill time on the show, and nothing more. In fairness to Test he acted out his part whole-heartedly, but Show and JBL were just out there to get their paycheck and leave as quickly as possible.
Jonathan Coachman chats to Steve Austin, nursing some nasty facial injuries after being thrown through a window by Undertaker. He plans to end the Phenom’s career tonight
Edge & Christian vs X-Pac/Justin Credible vs Dudley Boyz vs Hardy Boyz
This will be contested under elimination rules. As Paul Heyman states on commentary: the rivalry between the Hardyz, Edge & Christian and the Dudleyz is now legendary. This will be a continuation of that, with the added ‘x-factor’ of X-Factor representatives Justin Credible and X-Pac.
The Hardyz are the most popular team in the match. X-Factor definitely aren’t. ECW-alum Bubba Ray and Credible start although it’s only momentary as Justin absorbs a few punches and immediately runs away. The Hardy Boyz try to isolate Christian, a ploy which Edge is quick to thwart…leading to X-Pac sneaking into the ring looking to beat on a wounded Jeff. Albert (at ringside) drags Matt crotch-first into the ringpost and he remains down in the corner long enough for Waltman to deliver the Bronco Buster. Poetry In Motion on Credible…Twist Of Fate on Pac, then the Swanton Bomb. X-Factor are eliminated at 05:42. They don’t take it well as Albert and Justin assault Matt on the floor. In the ring Christian drops Jeff with the Unprettier and eliminates the Hardyz at 06:02. Edge throttles D-Von on the top rope, catapulting him back into the ring where Christian hits him with a neckbreaker over the knee. Edge & Christian cut D-Von off from his half brother – successfully working him over for several minutes until he finally nails Christian with an inverted DDT and crawls into the hot tag. Edge is tonight’s victim of the Wassup Headbutt but recovers quickly enough to save his brother from the 3-D. Rhyno runs in…GORE ON BUBBA! Edge pins him for the win at 13:21
Rating - ** - In terms of quality this was light-years ahead of the rest of the show so far, but it was hardly anything special. Thankfully the majority of these guys are good enough in the ring that even watching them coast along in house show mode isn’t without it’s merit. Was this show really so stacked that Rhyno couldn’t have been booked into his own match?
Spike Dudley runs out to help his brothers, hitting Edge with the Acid Drop whilst Bubba and D-Von line up Rhyno for a 3-D through a table!
Next we get clips of a Make-A-Wish charity dinner attended by various WWF personalities the previous evening – including a nip-tacular Stephanie McMahon.
Eamonn Holmes and Chris Tarrant are in the crowd and get inappropriately large pops. Gianfranco Zola is there too, and gets half the pop of the previous two celebrities despite being far more talented.
Kurt Angle plans to take back his stolen Gold Medals after beating Chris Benoit in two straight falls this evening.
Right To Censor went to their natural conclusion when Chyna defeated Ivory at WrestleMania, but for some reason they are still clinging to existence – evidenced by Steven Richards and Ivory making their way to the ring complaining about ‘Page 3 Girls’ in British newspapers. Steven announces that he is censoring the scheduled Divas Battle Royal…by cancelling it. Jacqueline, Trish Stratus and Lita come out to protest by stripping Ivory to her bra and panties – then roughing up Richards for good measure.
Chris Benoit vs Kurt Angle – 2/3 Falls Match
This super-competitive rivalry goes international tonight, just a week removed from their Ultimate Submission Match at Backlash. It was Benoit who emerged victorious in sudden death overtime last week, only for Angle to protest the result the following night on Raw – because Olympic rules state overtime should commence the second the formal time period expires (and he had Benoit tapping right after the initial 30-minutes elapsed). Unsurprisingly the Wolverine didn’t agree, joining Angle in the ring to drop him on his head and steal his medals.
Immediately we get shades of WrestleMania as they work the deck with utter ferocity. Upset at the loss of his medals, Angle is clearly the aggressor in the initial exchanges – but his desire to tie down the Canadian almost leads to him being slipped into the Crippler Crossface. In turn Benoit counters the Anklelock by kicking the Olympian clean out of the ring. The Wolverine repeatedly drives Kurt to the floor and eventually grows so frustrated that he foolishly gives chase, giving Angle the chance to cheap shot him. He hits a succession of belly to belly suplexes until (for a second time in the match) he gets over-confident and makes a mistake allowing Benoit to retaliate with a few suplexes of his own. Rolling snap suplex first…into the ROLLING GERMANS! Flying Wolverine lands, giving Benoit a 1-0 lead at 07:41. Knowing he needs to win two straight falls, Kurt cranks up the intensity by launching his opponent into the ringpost. He hits a belly to belly superplex, drops Benoit on his neck again seconds later with a back suplex then rides the neck again with a deep chinlock. The Crippler is very much on the defensive and hangs onto his lead by a shred. Such is the extent of the beating that even after he drops Kurt with a DDT he is physically unable to capitalise right away. Olympic Slam countered BACK to the Rolling Germans! Benoit looks to repeat the finish of the first fall but this time misses the Flying Wolverine. Anklelock…COUNTERED TO THE CROSSFACE! Kurt escapes – but wanders straight into a small package pin. He goes down two straight as Benoit wins it at 14:22
Rating - *** - A solid house show version of this fantastic rivalry. I really liked the idea of Benoit winning two straight, but this show is just over an hour long and we’re already down to the three headline matches. I know they got half an hour the previous weekend, but could the bookers seriously not give them more than fourteen minutes to work this? What they did was fine, but the stipulations meant everything felt a little more rushed and a little less purposeful than WrestleMania or Backlash.
By way of a victory celebration Benoit reaches into the crotch of his trunks to reveal Kurt’s medals.
The Two Man Power Trip discuss strategy for their main event, then summon Debra to take a drinks order. I think being heel-Austin’s lackey was about the best thing Debra did in the WWF.
William Regal vs Chris Jericho – Queen’s Cup Match
After the Commissioner’s dubious victory in the Duchess Of Queensbury Rules Match at Backlash this feud was always likely to continue. Y2J seemingly had the match won on multiple occasions, only for the rules of the match repeatedly shifting to block his victory. He showed his frustration on Raw as he viciously beat Regal down with a garbage can – and tonight will be coming for revenge with a victory in his own country. The Queen’s Cup sits at ringside and awaits the winner.
Regal looks to toss Jericho out of the ring, only to turn round and see him flying off the top rope into an elbow smash. Clearly the Commissioner has the advantage when it comes to mat wrestling so it’s in Y2J’s interest to keep the match at as fast a pace as possible. He brawls with Regal on the floor, but upon his return to the ring he finds himself outwitted – attempting the Walls Of Jericho far too early and being punished by having his shoulder driven into the ringpost. Regal works over his arm, prompting Chris to take to the air again by delivering a frankensteiner. The Commissioner drops him on his face with a German suplex. As much as the producers are having Michael Cole deny it, Regal is getting a fair share of babyface heat in the UK tonight. He puts the Canadian in a cobra clutch which chokes him out whilst applying pressure to the bad arm. A serious beating is on the cards now as William escorts Jericho all over the ring and all around ringside as he works him over. Every time Y2J looks for a comeback he is shut down by one of Regal’s unorthodox and extremely snug strike attacks, and whilst the Commish is on offence he takes great pleasure in picking apart the arm, the neck, the ribs or any other body part that takes his fancy. At last Jericho scores with an enziguri…which of course lands him smack on his own face and leaves them both on the canvas. The Canadian welts up Regal’s chest with a volley of chops…and blocks the Regal Cutter into the bulldog. LIONSAULT GETS KNEES! Jericho’s ribs have taken a hell of a beating and he almost loses the match after Regal drops him on them again with a gutwrench powerbomb. WALLS OF JERICHO! Y2J wins at 14:45
Rating - *** - I thought this was the best of their three ppv matches thus far. Regal put on a wrestling clinic in his home country and completely dissected Jericho for most of the match in such an impressive performance that some of the fans legit turned on Chris to start routing on the Englishman. I could have done with Jericho’s selling being significantly better, and maybe a few falsies at the end to really rev the crowd up, but this was still a strong addition to this entertaining rivalry.
Jericho is presented with the Queen’s Cup, but is attacked from behind by the Commissioner – who smashes up the trophy on Jericho’s head
Steve Austin/Triple H vs Undertaker – WWF Title Handicap Match
Only Stone Cold’s championship is on the line tonight, and it can only change hands if Austin himself is beaten by Undertaker. The Power Trip cheated their way to victory over the Brothers Of Destruction at Backlash, adding the Tag Titles to the WWF and Intercontinental Championships in the process. The following night on Raw they dished out a devastating beatdown to the Brothers, completely destroying Kane’s already-injured arm and putting him on the injured list. It means Undertaker is here by himself, and has voluntarily entered himself into this 2-on-1 situation in order to get some payback.
Undertaker enters the ring wielding a chair as an equaliser but is instantly swarmed as HHH sneaks up behind and jumps him. Austin’s knee braces are golden snakeskin tonight. Switching up his gear is such a simple but effective way of conveying his new heel character. He nearly succumbs to a Chokeslam and needs Helmsley saving his bacon at the last. Adopting a divide and conquer strategy, the Deadman drags HHH all the way up the aisle looking to incapacitate him. The maniacal champion tries to give chase and PILEDRIVE Undertaker on the ramp only for it to be countered with a back drop at the last minute. Austin stays down long enough for Taker to escort the Game back into the ring for the Old School rope walk. Apparently this one has tag rules which helps Undertaker out somewhat, even though it doesn’t look like it as the Power Trip start tagging in and out frequently to keep themselves fresh whilst they wear him out. Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley enters the fray as well, distracting the ref whilst the Phenom is taken out with an illegal chair shot. Both of the Power Trip decide they need a rest, with Austin calmly leaning on the ropes as Hunter effortlessly controls Taker with a grounded chinlock. At last Undertaker channels some inner strength – muscling his way back to his feet to drop HHH with the diving lariat…only for Stone Cold to take an immediate tag and lay him out with a back suplex. Over-confidence becomes the enemy of Triple H as he looks for a stupid dive from the top rope…straight into a boot. CHOKESLAM THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE! That’s Triple H taken out so, for the first time, it’s a fair fight between the Deadman and the Rattlesnake. Stephanie again distracts Earl Hebner as Austin low blows him then delivers a massive knee strike in the ropes. Undertaker basically no sells that and Chokeslams him, even though the knee hit him with such force that the side of his head is busted open badly. HHH returns to facebuster him, and all three men are down. Vince McMahon power-walks into the ring…and inadvertently levels HHH with a chair shot. Chokeslam on Vince…Chokeslam on HHH! Undertaker wins at 17:10
Rating - * - Sorry, but I hated almost everything about this match. It was utterly terrible booking on every level. Undertaker gets booked like a superman, which makes the Power Trip look like idiots, and it makes Kane look like a fool as well considering the Brothers failed to win the previous week in a f*cking 2 vs 2 match. It also makes no sense whatsoever that Taker would pin HHH. He knew he had to pin Austin to be champion. He had HHH and Vince down – and Austin right there. Why would he simply flop into a pin on Helmsley? Before that everything was pretty dull and generic, but the finish and the booking really left a bad taste in my mouth. It’s indicative of the problems WWF had in 2001.
Undertaker completes his ridiculous path of destruction by laying waste to everyone with a chair. F*ck me this is retarded. The commentators laughably call it ‘the most significant victory of 2001’.
SIDENOTE – Triple H started getting a lot of stick at this time (and, in reality, kept getting the same criticism for the rest of his full-time career) for holding others down and clinging to his main event spot. What I’d like to know is how Undertaker escaped so much of the same criticism? Even at this point everyone acknowledged him as a locker room leader, a favourite of Vince McMahon and a hugely influential member of the roster. Unlike HHH he hasn’t done a major job to any of the up and coming trio of Jericho, Angle or Benoit. In fact, in most matches against those guys he looked reticent to even take a freaking bump for them. In terms of his in-ring performances, at this point in time he was stinking up the place too. At least HHH was having good matches before his quad tear.
Tape Rating - * - Easy thumbs down for this show, despite the best efforts of four world class wrestlers (Angle, Benoit, Regal and Jericho). The two decent matches occupy half an hour of the show between them, and everything else is utter dross – culminating in that sickeningly poor main event. Unless you’re an Angle/Benoit completist or you REALLY liked the Regal/Jericho feud you can avoid this show like the plague.
Top 3 Matches
3) Edge & Christian vs Dudley Boyz vs Hardy Boyz vs X-Pac/Justin Credible (**)
2) Chris Benoit vs Kurt Angle (***)
1) Chris Jericho vs William Regal (***)