World Wrestling Entertainment – Royal Rumble 2005 – 30th January 2005
I’ll come clean right away – the only aspect of this show that I’m aware of is Vince McMahon’s ‘accident’ at the end of the night and the controversy over whether the finish to the Rumble match itself was planned or not. So it was a pleasant surprise to look down the card for this event and see that it looks pretty decent – at least on the Raw side of things. Edge and Shawn Michaels blow-off their mini-feud, whilst Randy Orton gets his decisive rematch against Triple H for the World Heavyweight Title. Smackdown doesn’t look so pretty – but that is largely because their roster was awful at this point. For some reason Undertaker and Jon Heidenreich are still feuding and have a Casket Match here, whilst JBL continues to cling to the WWE Championship and tonight has Big Show and Kurt Angle coming after him for it. Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Tazz and Michael Cole are in Fresno, CA.
SIDENOTE – All of the delightfully camp WWE/West Side Story promo materials have been removed from the WWE Network for this show. I’m wondering why, and presuming Benoit is probably at the heart of it. Thankfully YouTube still has plenty of it online if you want a good chuckle…
Edge vs Shawn Michaels
As the summer of 2004 drew to a close Edge cut an increasingly frustrated figure in Raw’s midcard ranks. Having been picked out as a rising star as far back as the late-90’s he was impatient for his time to finally come. At Taboo Tuesday we saw his anger boil over when the WWE fans voted for an obviously-injured Shawn Michaels to get a World Title shot instead of him – and there has been heat between he and HBK ever since. Earlier in the month at New Year’s Revolution they clashed again, ultimately leading to Edge’s elimination from another World Title opportunity…so tonight both men look to settle the score.
Edge jumps Michaels during his entrance – and I’ve always wondered why more people don’t do that given how much tassle-covered, bedazzled garments Shawn usually dresses in just to walk out. HBK slows the pace down, realising that the younger man is coming in hot and wants to work quickly. EDGE-O-MATIC ON THE FLOOR! In a single move Edge swings the match his way and does considerable damage to Shawn’s suspect back. Both Lawler and JR spot his tactics immediately and really put it over which is nice. Michaels tries a desperate hurricanrana only to be emphatically deposited down onto his back once more with a sitout powerbomb. He rides Michaels on the mat next, forcing his body weight down onto him with a snug rear chinlock – then gets huge heat for mocking Shawn’s signature muscle-flex pose. For every comeback attempt that Michaels attempts, Edge has a method of jamming his back against the mat once again. Shawn’s offence is reduced to kicks and punches for the time-being…and everything he does is punctuated by pinfall attempts such is his desperation to escape this beating. Speaking of desperate to escape – Edge tries to leave after taking one too many punches to the face! Michaels gives chase…SPEAR ON THE FLOOR! A second devastating bump on the hard floor for HBK! He barely beats the count-out, and rolls into a smirking Edge ‘tuning up the band’! SPEAR NAILED…for 2! BACK SELLING FLYING ELBOW DROP by Michaels! Both men down! Sweet Chin Music COUNTERED to an electric chair drop! EDGE-CATOR! Shawn makes the ropes, as Edge pleads with him to tap so vociferously that he starts to bleed from the mouth. Edge grabs his tights, then pulls on the ropes…and scores a cheap win at 18:31
Rating - **** - Rubbish finish, but the match that preceded it was a blockbuster of an opening match. Michaels has his critics, but he really was such a natural in-ring talent. Here he didn’t look in great shape and was only recently back from yet another injury…and still easily had enough in the tank to lead Edge to his best singles PPV match in a long time. His sell for Edge’s work on the back was superb; not just in how he put over the physical injury, but how it forced him to adapt his strategy too. He was so injured that the only tactic open to him was to go for frantic pinning combinations every time he was on offence. The cheap finish does at least afford him some protection, and Edge’s performance here (to go alongside his contributions to the Elimination Chamber earlier in the month) really cements his place as a main event talent in waiting…
Eric Bischoff and Teddy Long disagree over which brand will produce the Royal Rumble winner. Torrie Wilson and Christy Hemme are with them apparently drawing numbers for the entrants – with the first two being Ric Flair and Eddie Guerrero. Latino Heat looks annoyed with his draw…so craftily swaps it with Ric’s!
Heidenreich and Snitsky run into each other for another highly amusing exchange. They both agree they don’t like caskets…but DO like each other.
Undertaker vs Heidenreich – Casket Match
Heidenreich gets a lot of criticism for his WWE tenure, but I think it is also fair to give him credit where it is due and say that his performance versus Undertaker at Survivor Series 2004 was better than many expected. He lost on that night, but showed remarkable toughness and has continued to be a thorn in the Phenom’s side ever since…including costing him the WWE Title at Armageddon 2004. He drove Taker to pull out his signature gimmick – the Casket Match – in the hope of finally putting him away. Oddly, WWE also booked his character to have a crippling fear of caskets meaning poor Jon is now fighting a legendary opponent in a match stipulation he has a phobia of. Stacking the odds in favour of the babyface seems odd – but can the Deadman finish Heidy tonight before turning his attention to WrestleMania season?
Heidenreich doesn’t even want to wrestle on the same side of the ring as the casket. He is completely distracted and, even when he does knock down his opponent, glances fearfully over at the inanimate object. Undertaker puts him in a half crab…and Heidenreich actually makes it more difficult for himself to get to the ropes by avoiding the casket again. Oddly his phobia disappears somewhat after he manages to whip Taker into it; peppering the Deadman with strikes and bouncing his face off the coffin. Undertaker wants to prove he’s a SHOOTAH…so chokes Jon out with his triangle choke. Gene Snitsky runs in to help his friend though, making this a 2-on-1 match. Instantly the fans start chanting for Snitsky’s big enemy on Raw: Kane. They drag the fallen Phenom towards the edge of the ring…but Kane is in the casket! He and Snitsky brawl through the crowd, removing them from the equation as Heidy tries to push the casket to the locker room. How was he planning to win the match? Taker cuts him off…so Heidenreich RUNS HIM OVER with the casket! He chokes Undertaker out with a cobra clutch but can’t quite get him in the coffin in time. Undertaker LEG DROPS THE COFFIN LID INTO HIS HEAD! And still Heidy won’t stay down. He blocks the Chokeslam then counters the running lariat from Taker into the Disasterpiece! Chokeslam by Undertaker (marginally botched by Big Jon, much to Taker’s disgust!), followed by the Tombstone Piledriver. Undertaker wins at 13:23
Rating - ** - Everyone told me to prepare for Heidenreich to be terrible, but actually I’ve found him preferable to the likes of Snitsky, Suzuki, Luther Reigns and more. His execution wasn’t particularly brilliant here – and Undertaker looked growingly pissed off about that – but both of the recent Taker/Heidy PPV matches have been miles better than Snitsky/Kane for instance. That said, we shouldn't pretend that this wasn't still plodding and tedious...and by far my biggest issue here was that I don’t get why they made Heidenreich afraid of coffins. I understand he was a goofy lunatic, but it really is hard to buy into him as a believable heel when he is booked like a babyface. Taker crushed him as you might expect, but again he got to show real courage and fight by fighting back and countering some of the Deadman’s biggest spots. The Kane/Snitsky interference segment was fun, and that leg drop on the casket lid spot was brutal. I was expecting a car crash disaster, so a 2* rating is something of a victory. I’ve seen MANY far worse Undertaker matches.
SIDENOTE – I’ve read that the original plan was for an Undertaker/Kane vs Heidenreich/Snitsky match at WrestleMania, but Taker didn’t want to do that and got a feud with Randy Orton instead. Probably the right decision…
Teddy Long and Evolution chase Eddie Guerrero down and demand he hands back Ric Flair’s original number. (Question – is HHH calling Eddie a ‘jumping bean’ racist?) Guerrero steals the scene by revealing that he has also stolen Naitch’s wallet! HHH and Flair want to go over the plan for Randy Orton…and butt heads with Batista who wants to go and get his Royal Rumble number.
Christian is next to visit Torrie and Christy, and is happy with his number. John Cena arrives too, leading to an amusing freestyle rap battle…
John Bradshaw Layfield vs Kurt Angle vs Big Show – WWE Title Match
Many called JBL a fortunate WWE Champion. He took the belt from Eddie Guerrero under extremely controversial circumstances and spent the next few months miraculously maintaining his grip on the title even whilst getting his ass kicked all over arenas by the Undertaker. This all built to Armageddon 2004 – when many thought his luck would run out. Yet in a ring surrounded by three of his top challengers (Undertaker, Eddie and Booker T) he produced arguably his best performance to date to retain yet again. Now we move to another pay-per-view event and once more the decks look to be stacked against him. Two former WWE Champions – one an Olympic Gold Medallist and one a giant – are gunning for what he has. Perhaps his only hope is that the animosity between Angle and Show (who themselves had been feuding for months) gives him an opportunity to escape again. Apparently on the lead-in episode of Smackdown JBL and Angle fought to a double KO finish in a brutal Last Man Standing Match – and both come in selling injuries as a result.
Kurt leaves the ring right away, protecting himself and watching as JBL gets beaten around the ring by Big Show. Kurt only enters the fray when it looks like Show may actually pin the champion…and of course that only means that the giant gets to beat on both his injured opponents at once. The fight spills to the floor…where Angle cracks Show with a TV monitor and knocks him through Cole and Tazz’s announce table! JBL and Angle pick up where they left off on Smackdown with Bradshaw trying to use his power only to be continually thwarted by Kurt’s considerable wrestling skill. Clothesline From Hell COUNTERED to a German suplex! Layfield then counters right back by converting the Angle Slam to a mafia kick for 2. Show is up…TOTAL ELIMINATION CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL combo by Angle and Layfield on him! ANGLE SLAM ON SHOW! The big man still has enough in the tank to counter the Clothesline From Hell into the Chokeslam for 2. JBL tries to flee…so Show TACKLES HIM THROUGH THE GUARDRAILS! Orlando Jordan and the Basham Brothers lead EMT’s to the ring to check on their mentor…as inside the ring Kurt’s protégé’s Luther Reigns and Mark Jindrak start attacking Big Show. Jordan tosses a semi-conscious Layfield into the ring, and he hits a sluggish Clothesline from Hell to beat Angle at 12:04
Rating - ** - I liked a lot of this match more than a 2* rating would suggest. The action was chaotic, frenetic and unpredictable…but never felt ludicrous or like they were just hitting spots for the sake of it. I actually would have gone to 3* but for the finish, which was really strange. The three competitors had been throwing around some big spots quite impressively…but then for no reason we had five different guys all running in, and JBL won despite clearly being the most injured of the three men just seconds earlier. He was the right man to go over though. Having booked him to win at Armageddon (when everyone thought there’d be a new champion) his reign of terror absolutely has to stretch to WrestleMania for the popular pay-off of a title switch on the biggest stage of all.
Batista looks to have gotten his way – and is marching through the corridors towards the GM Office. Teddy Long and Eric Bischoff are now arguing about which of their championship main events will have less interference…prompting Bischoff to ban Evolution from ringside. Batista almost seems happy to go and give Triple H that news!
Triple H vs Randy Orton – World Heavyweight Title Match
We know the backstory for these guys – they are former stable-mates, but HHH became jealous of his former protégé’s success and turned on him when he became World Champion at Summerslam 2004. The Game took the belt from Randy at Unforgiven, and they’ve been feuding ever since. Orton ultimately cost HHH the championship on Raw…only for the belt to be vacated and for Hunter to win it back inside the Elimination Chamber at New Year’s Revolution (with considerable help from the rest of Evolution). This time, as we just learned, Evolution are banned from ringside – meaning we have a straight fight between the young lion and the legendary Cerebral Assassin.
Orton slaps HHH in the face and goes right for an RKO, forcing the champion to hurriedly flee the ring. He is ultra aggressive in the opening period, although the impact of the tactic is negated by the crowd loudly chanting ‘Triple H’ as he does so. He looks for the RKO again and this time Hunter counters by throwing him OVER the top rope! The Game asserts his dominance by crunching Orton into the ring steps…then slows the pace to a crawl so he can grind the challenger into the dirt. ‘Randy sucks’ – Fresno. There are also rows of empty seats visible on the hard camera side indicating that people are using this as a popcorn match. Helmsley has started to work Orton’s leg – targeting a knee injury he had reportedly caused on the lead-in episode of Raw. A Figure 4 Leglock obviously forms part of that attack…but I suspect they grossly overestimated how much reverence the live audience would have for this hold. Flair has been bastardising his own move for years, so spending minutes on the ground jostling for position and leverage in the Figure 4 position lulls the crowd into silence rather than rallies them behind the struggling challenger. Randy at last frees himself by kicking HHH under the ropes and into the Spanish announcers, but barely manages to get to his feet before Hunter is on him again. BACKBREAKER – of course onto his bad knee meaning he hurts himself as much as Triple H. I do like that all of Orton’s offence is now based around HHH’s back and neck; clearly setting him up for the RKO. Triple H’s Nature Boy tribute act continues with the pointless top rope climb…and Orton’s lack of commitment to selling properly continues soon afterwards as he effortlessly hits his flying crossbody spot for 2. He genuinely isn’t selling it at all anymore, effectively rendering almost half of this match irrelevant. Hunter counters the RKO with his jumping knee which cuts Orton’s lip open. He also rather cleverly grabs the rope to block an Orton DDT, which appears to knock the challenger loopy. Lawler describes him as having ‘Krispy Kreme eyes’ (i.e. they are ‘glazed over’) which is one of my favourite pieces of Lawler commentary ever – and I don’t have many! Earl Hebner gets crushed in the corner, giving the World Champion an opportunity to fish around under the ring and pull out his trusty sledgehammer. Somehow the semi-conscious Orton dodges the hammer (rendering that segment pointless too)…and HHH opts to hit the Pedigree instead. He wins at 21:03
Rating - ** - This was a really weird match. Both men seemed to want it to have a really epic feel – but at the same time continually went out of their way to make everything they were doing utterly pointless. They had a good foundation – Orton trying to use his speed and aggression, and HHH counteracting that by working his legs – but all the early good work quickly went awry. They spent an eternity working Orton’s knee, and were desperate to make fans believe the Figure 4 was actually still a relevant submission hold…but then made it all meaningless when Orton stopped selling it and HHH stopped going near it. Orton spent much of his offensive bursts attempting or preparing for the RKO, but the big pay-off on that never came since he didn’t hit it. Then they brought a sledgehammer into the match for no reason either, since it wasn’t used and didn’t factor into the finish at all. Maybe I completely missed what they were going for here, but to me this felt extremely strange, uncomfortable, overly long and entirely anticlimactic. I’m quite certain these guys have much better match in them, but they were both poor here – seemingly wanting to contest a 20+ minute all-time classic World Title bout without putting in any of the effort or neat little finishing touches that make something memorable. Their Unforgiven ’04 match was actually better (and more exciting than this).
Nunzio is excited for the Royal Rumble, but an aggressive Kurt Angle snatches his entrance number and bullies him away. Poor Guido…
JBL and his Cabinet celebrate in front of both General Managers, with some of his comments towards Teddy Long probably crossing the line into overt racism. He makes Long look like a fool by talking all over his response too…so Teddy books him versus Big Show in a ‘Barbed Wire Steel Cage Match’ at No Way Out. Bradshaw was so much of an ass in this segment it was actually rather uncomfortable.
Royal Rumble Match
Just like last year it’s JR and Tazz calling the match together. 2004 was the Chris Benoit Rumble. He was the story. He entered at #1, survived the entirety of the match and went on to WrestleMania to finally win the big one. This year doesn’t have such an obvious theme – but does have a number of interesting contenders. Batista is arguably the hot favourite, with him now chomping at the bit and visibly struggling to confine himself to his allocated Evolution role as HHH’s support act. John Cena is super-hot on Smackdown at present too, and Cena/JBL would certainly be a fresh clash for WrestleMania. But Smackdown also has Kurt Angle and Eddie Guerrero in the Rumble – both of whom have beef with Layfield and are desperate for another shot. Raw’s other top contenders would be Edge, Shawn Michaels – assuming those two can keep control their own internal feud – and the aforementioned Benoit. Look out for Paul London too, who will contribute a very brief but iconic Royal Rumble moment of his own.
Eddie Guerrero is #1, which explains why he wanted to steal Flair’s number…and #2 is Chris Benoit, which is just rotten luck for him! They spend 90-seconds seamlessly chain-wrestling…before being joined by Daniel Puder at #3. He cuts a promo then steps into the ring for the two veterans to CHOP THE SH*T out of him. I could have spent longer watching the Radicalz brutalise him, and it’s about to get worse as #4 is Hardcore Bob! Obviously Big Bob gets his jollies stiffing the sh*t out of Puder, even though Puder would probably murder him in an actual fight. Of course, it’s him that gets to eliminate Dan too. Hurricane Helms is #5…but isn’t even in the ring before Benoit and Eddie have dumped the human suckage that is Hardcore Holly. The Radicalz make short work of Hurricane too! #6 is Kenzo Suzuki, who despite being Japanese is far less of a respected puroresu figure than either of the two men waiting for him. #7 is Edge – getting a massive pop despite being heel – and he is followed by his former tag team partner at #8 as Rey Mysterio arrives. Rey swiftly eliminates Kenzo with a headscissors. #9 is Shelton Benjamin, meaning there is some SERIOUS talent in the ring right now. #10 is Booker T (with inaccurate Tazz Rumble facts)…as for some reason Eric Bischoff walks to the ring and starts cheering for Edge? Did this make sense at the time? The big names keep coming with Chris Jericho at #11, but then come to a resounding halt at #12 with Luther Reigns. His arrival means we have four Raw and four Smackdown guys active, and as Teddy Long pops up at ringside too we have an INTER-BRAND BRAWL! #13 is Mohammad Hassan, which amusingly unites the two brands since they all hate him. The Fresno crowd F*CKING HATES him too. Like, scary amounts of heat! He gets tossed out by six men to end his brief stay. Orlando Jordan is #14, complete with some of the most generic entrance music you’ll ever hear. Scotty 2 Hotty apparently still has a job and is #15, but doesn’t even make it to the ring after being attacked by an upset Mohammad Hassan in the aisle.
We are halfway through, and reach #16 with Charlie Haas…as Booker eliminates Luther and Orlando. He celebrates that with a Spin-aroonie, and is rightly punished by being eliminated by Eddie and Rey. #17 is Rene Dupree (w/ poodle)…walking into a brief WGTT reunion as they give him the Broken Arrow. Benjamin then tries to run to the top rope for some reason, only to be shoved out and eliminated by Edge. Simon Dean is #18 – but his entrance is soon ignored by the crowd loudly booing Eddie being eliminated by Edge. Nova is still doing his work-out routine by the time #19 rolls around, and it’s Shawn Michaels who enters and resoundingly ditches him. It’s not a Daniel Bryan all-out rebellion, but this audience are seriously pissed that Guerrero has gone. Michaels is still on a roll and has tossed Haas – which causes me to realise I’ve missed Shelton being eliminated somewhere. Kurt Angle is #20. SUPLEXES FOR EVERYONE! SWEET CHIN MUSIC…COUNTERED WITH THE ANKLE LOCK! MICHAELS COUNTERS TO SWEET CHIN MUSIC! KURT IS OUT! That brief exchange was electric! For some unknown reason The Coach has one of Raw’s fifteen Rumble slots, and enters at #21. He instantly goes all Road Dogg and clings to the bottom rope as Benoit gives him the Daniel Puder treatment. #22 is Mark Jindrak…sprinting past his mentor Kurt Angle who despite being eliminated tosses HBK over the top then violently assaults him on the floor with the steps. ANKLE LOCK ON THE STEPS! Shawn is eliminated after that of course. Viscera is #23, still working a variant of the Ministry Of Darkness gimmick and not yet ‘Big Daddy V’. #24 is Paul London – who gets so little reaction from the audience it’s almost a tragedy. He genuinely is one of the best workers in this entire field. Jericho eliminates Dupree as he looks for the French Tickler on London as the clock starts to tick again. #25 is John Cena, getting one of the biggest pops of the night…and he instantly eliminates Big Vis.
#26 comes next, bringing Snitsky lumbering out. He makes a beeline for London, toppling him to the apron. WESTERN LARIAT…WHICH BACK FLIPS LONDON ONTO HIS HEAD ON THE FLOOR! That is one of the most replayed Rumble eliminations ever! #27 is Kane, who only has eyes for Snitsky, but has to Chokeslam his way through the majority of the field to get to him! Jindrak is the only victim of his path of destruction though. #28 is Batista, who mows through Snitsky in mere seconds! Big Dave’s reaction is amazing and so incredibly contrasting to his 2014 Rumble win. BATISTA BOMB ON KANE! Jericho is tossed! #29 is Christian, explaining why he liked his draw earlier. CENA F-U’S KANE OVER THE TOP! #30 is Ric Flair, a man who has won a Rumble lasting more than an hour during his career. He also has Batista in the ring with him, and they join forces to easily eliminate Coach (yeah, he was still in it) and Christian. Benoit has been in this for more than 45-minutes, but is the next victim of Evolution! Ric, true to his life-long character, then tries to pull a fast one on Dave, which is hilarious. Edge actually saves him by eliminating him before Batista can get his hands on him – meaning the final four are Cena, Batista, Edge and Mysterio. The future is now! Spear on Batista! Spear on Cena! 619 on Edge! West Coast Pop countered, as Edge SPEARS REY OUT OF THE RUMBLE! Batista and Cena toss Edge and they are the last two. The crowd are HOT to see the big rising stars of the two brands lock horns! F-U blocked…Batista Bomb blocked…BOTH MEN FALL OUT OF THE RING AND HIT THE FLOOR! It’s over at 51:02…but nobody seems to know who hit the ground first. Cue farcical scenes as Vince McMahon tries to sprint out but legitimately blows both quads in the process. He sits on the floor, quite obviously in pain, as clusters of referees try to separate the two wrestlers. Eventually the match is re-started, and Batista immediately smashes through Cena and eliminates him at 51:22 (total).
Rating - *** - I’ll address the finish momentarily, but will begin by saying that this is a fun Rumble. I’ve seen it way over-rated by some, and also seriously under-rated by others so it definitely appears to be one that divided opinion. I won’t deny it had plenty of dead moments and generic Rumble clichés, but there were lots of really entertaining little segments too. The vets vs Puder stuff was a nice start. Raw vs Smackdown…then Raw/Smackdown vs Hassan got some HOT reactions from the audience. Great workers like Benoit, Guerrero, Edge, Rey and Jericho got to go long, carry the workload and prevent things from becoming too mundane. The Michaels/Angle exchange was the clear highlight of the entire match for me…and after years of waiting it was really refreshing to see the next generation 'arrive', with a final four be made up of guys who had never won the Rumble or been World Champion before. Cena and Batista both looked like huge deals as a result. Now to the finish, which is shrouded in controversy, mystery, confusion, and just a little bit of comedy too. Opinions seem split on whether the double elimination was planned or not. Consensus seems to be marginally in favour of it being an accident (the fact that they basically re-ran the final spot and had Batista win in mere seconds after the restart supports that theory), but the way the ref’s and the two competitors dealt with it seemed so rehearsed and planned. The absurdity of Vince McMahon’s cameo appearance is a timeless piece of television that has to be seen to be believed, where he shows amazing toughness and courageousness despite suffering a catastrophic injury…but looks utterly ridiculous sat on the mat as referees and wrestlers flounder all around him. I’m not sure it really matters whether the finish was planned or ‘on the fly’, it certainly stands out as one of the most memorable conclusions to a Royal Rumble ever. Although this entire deal wasn’t the superb total match that the 2004 Rumble was, it had some fun moments and stands up as the passing of a torch to a new era.
Tape Rating - ** - The actual Royal Rumble match itself is so notorious that I presume a lot of people have seen this show at some point. The double elimination, Mr McMahon’s injury, London’s back flip bump – these are all moments that went down in Royal Rumble folklore. The show itself is a rather mediocre affair, which probably explains why most people don’t remember or talk about anything else from it. Edge and Shawn Michaels had the 'best match' from a technical standpoint, but that was really nothing worth going out of your way to see. Triple H and Randy Orton aimed for epic but produced ordinary in a forgettable World Title Match. Heidenreich worked out of his skin to work a tolerable (at best) match with Undertaker, and the Smackdown WWE Title continued to look like little more than an afterthought (however much heat JBL might have been getting). As a viewer in 2005 I’d have probably felt that this event barely scraped even par. As a WWE Network subscriber in 2017 this one is well-worth checking out if only for the Rumble itself…but not much else (Shawn and Edge have worked plenty of better matches elsewhere).
Top 3 Matches
3) John Bradshaw Layfield vs Kurt Angle vs Big Show (**)
2) Royal Rumble Match (***)
1) Edge vs Shawn Michaels (****)