World Wrestling Entertainment – New Year’s Revolution 2005 – 9th January 2005
It’s been quite a while since I last dipped into one of my Retro WWE Reviews – and it seems like quite a lot has happened since this series last caught up with the Raw brand. At Summerslam the Benoit experiment was declared over with Orton’s coronation as the youngest World Champion in WWE history. A month later normal service was resumed as Triple H crushed young Randy’s forgettable and ill-advised babyface title reign taking the Big Gold Belt back at Unforgiven. The title picture has shifted again since then and as we enter this Raw-exclusive PPV to kick of ’05 the belt is currently vacant. A double pinfall situation in a Triple Threat between Helmsley, Benoit and Edge resulted in the belt being held up – and tonight all of Raw’s big hitters collide inside the Elimination Chamber to crown a new champion (the aforementioned three are joined by Randy Orton, Chris Jericho and Batista). The undercard for this event is notoriously awful just to forewarn you. Jerry Lawler is wrestling Muhammad Hassan, we have another Snitsky/Kane “slobberknocker’ to sit through, Maven is somehow a worthy contender for the Intercontinental Title and a match involving Eugene is somehow the only other standout contest. The people of San Juan, Puerto Rico certainly haven’t been treated to the greatest of line-ups for their first ever live pay-per-view. Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler provide the live commentary.
William Regal/Eugene vs Christian/Tyson Tomko – World Tag Title Match
I wasn’t kidding when I said that, on paper, this really is the best match on this undercard. Regal and Eugene ended La Resistance’s most recent title reign back in November, not for any real reason other than La Res were getting stale and the Regal/Eugene team were popular. Tonight they defend against Christian and Tomko, and again I don’t there was much long-term planning involved. Eugene and Regal got some sympathetic babyface reactions; Christian and Tyson got some heel heat - and so are having a match.
Christian has new music again, and it’s pretty decent (again). Eugene, meanwhile, is dressed like Hulk Hogan today for whatever reason. Thankfully the two good workers start the match and it is an utter joy watching Regal effortlessly school Christian on the ground. It’s less joyful when it ends with Eugene giving Captain Charisma a wedgie. Eugene flees to escape Tomko’s clutches and hides under the ring…then sneaks back in behind his back trying to pin Christian (who didn’t appear to be legal anyway). The Problem Solver does finally take Eugene down, hitting him with a big chokeslam for 2. The challengers wisely isolate the mentally handicapped member of the opposition (sounds worse when you say it like that doesn’t it!?)…in a heat segment which goes nowhere. Tomko thinks fast to shut Regal down and their brief exchange is probably the best moment of the match – rugged, tough and stiff as they grapple on the mat. The Englishman is left with a bloody nose as a result. Over the next couple of minutes he and Tyson have a few more snug strike exchanges in front of an increasingly vocal crowd. A bloody and battered Regal at last gets the hot tag to Eugene...who hurts his knee with an over-enthusiastic attack on Tomko. He limps into a schoolboy pin (with the tights) and pins the Problem Solver to retain at 12:26
Rating - ** - The one thing I will give this match credit for is that it reminded me how much of a phenomenal worker Regal is. Tomko accomplished nothing in the WWE, and has never looked much above an average (at best) wrestler in his own right. But his stiff, violent and at times in shoot-style exchanges with Regal here were fantastic. Making the most limited of workers look great is the hallmark of a true great (which Regal absolutely is). You’ll notice too that when Eugene got injured it was Regal loudly barking orders and choreographing on the fly. Other than that this was a bit of a mess. Christian was completely wasted, Eugene’s gimmick was SO played out by this point and his legitimate knee injury meant they had to go to an abrupt finish which came from nowhere.
EARLIER TODAY – Christy Hemme hangs out by the pool. That’s it.
Edge, revelling in his new tweener character, hangs out backstage and makes fun of Christian for losing as he walks past. He has an idea for how Christian could be World Champion though, and they leave together mysteriously.
Lita vs Trish Stratus – WWE Women’s Title Match
This feud genuinely started with Trish making fun of Lita for carrying baby-weight after losing her (kayfabe) baby with Kane. Thankfully both of these influential female performers quickly rose above that, and reportedly produced an amazing Women’s Title Match which main evented a December episode on Raw and saw Lita take the belt from her great rival. This is Trish’s rematch…
This match is hyped to be a huge deal and has a definite ‘big fight aura’ as the bell rings. Stratus looks to bully Lita right away, but the champion is feisty and up for a fight so takes her to the ground throwing fists. THESZ PRESS OFF THE APRON! Lita legitimately just blew out her knee on that spot – ironically modifying her usual tope suicida spot which she nearly killed herself with during their Raw match. The slow motion replay of that incident looks horrendous! Trish is an uber heel and actually tries to attack it. ANKLELOCK ON THE BAD LEG! Even though Trish was obviously taking care of her that is insane! The Chick Kick puts Lita out of her misery, and gives Trish the belt back at 03:46
Rating - N/A - Two serious knee injuries in as many matches is horrendously unfortunate and must have had officials tearing their hair out behind the scenes. You feel particularly bad for these two, because this was clearly built up to be one of the selling points of the entire PPV. Having elevated their feud above fake babies, weight jokes and miscarriages through sheer hard work they truly deserved to have a marquee match on a pay-per-view and it was cruelly denied due to circumstance here. Credit to them both for holding things together after the injury, with Stratus playing the ultimate heel by attacking a legitimate injury (whilst also very obviously looking out for her) though.
Trish is awesome. She hobbles around making fun of the fallen Lita during her celebrations too!
EARLIER TODAY – Maria Kanellis is hanging out by the pool too.
Edge is in Eric Bischoff’s office, trying to negotiate his way out of the Elimination Chamber because he thinks special referee Shawn Michaels will screw him. He doesn’t want to put his body through that, so petitions Bischoff to replace him with Christian. General Manager Eric turns down the request…so Edge storms out and runs straight into HBK. Shawn promises he’ll call it right down the middle…unless he is provoked!
Shelton Benjamin vs Maven – WWE Intercontinental Title Match
I had long-since stopped watching WWE by this point, so don’t remember Maven as an actual wrestler. I just had to look up online what moves he actually had in his arsenal. At this point he was making a gimmick out of pinning people using the ropes, and had done so to Shelton less than a month previously. As a result he feels like he has earned this title shot, and Benjamin feels like payback.
Maven has gotten huge since his Tough Enough days, his chest is massive. Despite his size he spends the opening minute sheltering in the ropes and disrupting Shelton’s momentum. The Puerto Rican fans are so excited about a live PPV that he gets as much heat as he’s ever had in his career! After more than two minutes of stalling he leaves the ring to cut a promo…and whatever he had to say was so controversial the WWE Network has edited a chunk of it out. The punchline is telling the crowd to shut up in Spanish. He threatens to leave, eventually enters the ring, and is immediately pinned to lose the match at 05:27 (shown).
Rating - DUD - As I said, I didn’t watch WWE at this point in time. If this was booked ahead of time, then this was abysmal. If these two weren’t booked, but got thrown out there to kill some PPV time after two consecutive matches had to be cut short then you feel for them a little more. Either way, it’s telling that, three years after Tough Enough and with a show running very short due to injury, the WWE still didn’t trust Maven to go out in front of a live audience and work a ten minute wrestling match. By the summer of 2005 he’d be released…
Maven grabs the mic again and says that the result didn’t count. He demands an instant rematch, gets it, and is again pinned in mere seconds.
EARLIER TODAY – More Raw Divas by the pool. Is this really necessary?
Mohammad Hassan and Daivari complain to Todd Grisham about the biased and slanted presentation of their actions. Say what you will about the gimmick and angle, but Hassan’s delivery was always impressive.
Mohammad Hassan vs Jerry Lawler
The truth is, in 2004 America wasn’t ready for a character as cuttingly incendiary and controversial as Hassan. The gimmick walked such a fine line that even the WWE didn’t even know how to control and manage it. At times it was brilliantly insightful and searingly honest in its presentation of a frustrated and angry Arab-American citizen struggling to adjust to a post-9/11 reality. At times (like when the network refused to broadcast him on Smackdown for conducting pseudo-terrorist attacks on other superstars) it was clear that the line was crossed. At this stage he had only just debuted, and we come into this on the back of an ‘Arab American debate’ on Raw during which he and his manager (Khosrow ‘Shawn’ Daivari) attacked JR and Lawler. As Hassan just pointed out though, what the highlight package didn’t show was JR telling he and Daivari to ‘go home’…even though they are Americans. Amusingly, in real life Hassan is actually of Italian heritage so was, to the fullest extent of the term, portraying a character during this entire run.
‘These people are all going to watch you die’ – Hassan to Lawler. That’s uncomfortable to watch following the events of 2012 and that fateful Raw broadcast. King is wrestling in the colours of the Puerto Rican flag which is a nice touch. He tries to give Hassan a bodyslam, prompting the bigger and younger man to give him a succession of slams in return. Daivari flicks JR’s hat off, which at least means we get a break from him loudly narrating the entire match in Arabic. Nothing against the language, but without any commentary (JR is at ringside) hearing him shout constantly is endlessly annoying. Hassan bashes Jerry against an exposed turnbuckle bolt then puts him in the Camel Clutch. It’s pretty obvious that these are the guys who have been given more ringtime to pad out the ppv after those injuries and the results aren’t good. Even Puerto Rican fans know the ‘boring’ chant, and it’s well deserved as we enter a third straight minute of Hassan working rest-holds on Lawler. Of course it builds to Lawler’s singlet strap coming down – into the fist drop for 2. Lawler needlessly pursues Daivari just when he has Mohammad beaten, and is rightly punished for such a stupid decision. He walks straight into Hassan’s flatliner, giving him the win at 10:52
Rating - DUD - His delivery of the gimmick was extremely polished, but this isn’t a soap opera and he isn’t here to be an actor. Poor Hassan has to be a wrestler as well, and here we saw a young, green kid with barely two years of OVW training behind him thrown to the wolves. Scrambling to fill up air-time thanks to cutting short the first two matches of the night, obviously WWE presumed that the heat Hassan's gimmick draws and the enduring popularity of Jerry Lawler and JR would be sufficient to buy them some time…but the PR fans were smarter than that. Endless body slams and endless lengthy, lazy holds on the mat meant this felt like watching wrestling in the 1950’s. As a worker Hassan didn’t have the chops to carry this, and in his mid-50‘s Jerry didn’t have enough gas in the tank to bring the workrate either. This show is an absolute mess…and we haven’t even got to Gene Snitsky’s match!
Todd Grisham wants to interview Batista, but Randy Orton steals his spot and hosts the interview himself. He calls Batista ‘Triple H’s stooge’ and reminds him that at Summerslam 2003 he had to play second fiddle to HHH in the Elimination Chamber and got nothing for it. Batista admits that if there is a chance for him to become World Champion tonight then he’s ‘taking it’.
Gene Snitsky vs Kane
At the last Raw PPV (Taboo Tuesday) these two met in a truly awful ‘Weapon Of Choice’ Match. The culmination of that was Snitsky seriously injuring Kane by stomping a steel chair into his throat. We didn’t see or hear from Kane again in 2004 (he was actually filming See No Evil at that time), but in January of ’05 Lita announced that Kane was returning and he wanted payback on the man who inadvertently caused the death of their unborn child. At Taboo Tuesday Snitsky surprised and impressed in the way in which he was able to dominate the Big Red Monster. Can he reprise that here?
Earl Hebner is so unenthused about officiating this one he takes an age to call for the opening bell. Immediately they slip back into the body slam/elbow drop/rest hold groove that Hassan and Lawler just extensively worked – reminding you that WWE’s roster split and talent development process was in the toilet in every conceivable way by 2005. Snitsky exposes the concrete floor, but gets a rough trip onto it himself as Kane counters his attempted piledriver into a back drop. Gene’s offence is so rudimentary I find him almost unwatchable, much less fathom a world in which Pro-Wrestling Illustrated had him in the top 100 of the PWI 500 for 2005. Kane keeps sitting up…but largely because Snitsky’s entire offence is body slams and kicks which just isn’t enough. ‘I am having a ball watching this’ – Coach on commentary. At least someone’s having fun right? Kane stops his opponent using a chair with (what else) more kicks and punches. They bumble around some more, with Snitsky biting Kane’s ear to block the Chokeslam. Then they waddle into each other and collapse in a heap like sweaty toddlers at softplay. Kane finally mercy kills the match with a Tombstone at 11:37
Rating - DUD - This was abhorrent viewing too. Snitsky was a formidable figure, but he was an appalling worker. Kane having to sell for this lumbering buffoon was really tough to watch and the whole bout felt considerably longer than the 11:37 it ran. Neither man is an outstanding technician and I have no problems with them working a ‘big man match’…but why not at least make it logical. Why not have Snitsky go after Kane’s throat considering that was the injury he put him on the shelf with? Why did Kane spend the WHOLE MATCH on the defensive, when he was the guy who was supposed to be cheesed off and gunning for vengeance?
EARLIER TODAY – WWE are in such a mess with this show they are now actually RE-RUNNING the inane divas by the pool vignettes from earlier in the show. Simon Dean, Val Venis, La Resistance, Rosey and Hurricane appear as well. The sad part is that this segment is in with a chance of making it into the Top 3 Matches at the end of my review…
In the Evolution locker room a tense HHH wants to know what Batista meant in his conversation with Randy Orton earlier. Big Dave assures Hunter that he knows his place within Evolution and will have his back tonight…unless HHH is eliminated before he enters!
Eric Bischoff is next up to stall for time. He is trembling, flustered, quite obviously has nothing prepared and says nothing of any substance. He walks off and leaves poor Lillian Garcia to pick up his slack by reading out the rules as slowly as she possibly can.
Edge vs Triple H vs Randy Orton vs Batista vs Chris Jericho vs Chris Benoit – World Heavyweight Title Elimination Chamber Match
I’ve reviewed this match previously as part of the WWE’s Elimination Chamber anthology set they released a few years ago. I loved it then and it’s stuck with me as one of my favourite Elimination Chambers ever since, so lets see if holds up. Despite the mess that was the undercard of the show, this one has been pretty masterfully booked. Benoit and HHH have beef stretching back to WrestleMania season last year, and after losing the belt to Benoit at WrestleMania 20, Hunter simply couldn’t get it back from the Wolverine despite multiple attempts. It fell to his young protégé in Evolution, Randy Orton, to finally dethrone Benoit…and when he refused to hand the title over to Triple H, Evolution turned on Randy as well. Helmsley defeated Orton for the championship at Unforgiven but their rivalry continued into December – and when Orton interfered in a Triple Threat title defence against Edge and Benoit, he cost HHH the title by taking him out as his two opponents fought to a double-fall finish. As we saw at Taboo Tuesday, Edge has grown frustrated at being a rising star and popular babyface. He has a bad attitude and is fed up of waiting his turn…he wants to be a main event star. He and Shawn Michaels have had issues since Taboo Tuesday, so it doesn’t bode well for him that HBK is the referee here. Meanwhile Batista has seen his star rise significantly, emphatically winning the ‘Beat The Clock Challenge’ to determine who enters the match last. He has promised to back up HHH, but internally is struggling to quell his own desire to be World Champion. Jericho is pretty much only in this as a solid worker (and Elimination Chamber veteran) to anchor proceedings, but was the first ever Undisputed Champion and has lengthy histories with Benoit, HHH and Edge. There, you’re caught up. Let’s call that a mammoth introductory paragraph to stall for time – just like WWE have done with this show since Lita’s injury.
Jericho and Benoit start, quite obviously with no plan, but thankfully are easily good enough to break out the best wrestling of the entire show with their initial exchanges. Their mat exchanges are crisp, their striking is ferocious…and THEN they start trading counters on submissions! SUPERPLEX by Benoit! They absolutely smash their opening five minute period, and are then joined in by Triple H. After RVD crushed his throat in the first Chamber, and he contested the entirety of the second with a serious leg injury it makes a welcome change to see The Game operating at closer to full fitness in this environment. He breaks up Benoit and Jericho’s exhibition and drags Benoit to the outside where he bloodies him against the walls of the Chamber. Y2J saves Benoit from the Pedigree for some reason, back dropping HHH over the top to the metal floor! The Wolverine expresses his gratitude by chopping Jericho IN THE THROAT! Edge enters the fray, exploding out of his isolation booth and hitting the EDGECUTION on Helmsley for 2! He obviously wants to quicken the pace, but Jericho recognises that and shuts him down with a springboard dropkick to the Chamber floor. Edge’s response is immense – catapulting Jericho and HHH into the steel chains in quick succession to bust them BOTH open! PEDIGREE ON JERICHO! But both deliverer and recipient of that move are so beaten up they collapse to the outside. Randy Orton’s time has come – and he dives off the top rope straight at Hunter. In fact Randy doesn’t seem interested in anyone else, he just wants to beat the piss out of his former mentor. That is until the RKO ON JERICHO (outta nowhere obviously). RKO…COUNTERED TO THE CRIPPLER CROSSFACE!
HHH mocks Orton…so Benoit puts him in the Sharpshooter! RKO ON BENOIT! EDGE ACCIDENTALLY SPEARS SHAWN MICHAELS! SPEAR ON ORTON! But of course there’s nobody to count the pin! SWEET CHIN MUSIC ON EDGE! LIONSAULT! Edge is the first man eliminated at 19:20! This is carnage right now, as the hand has barely come down for three before Benoit is dishing out rolling Germans on HHH. Benoit CLIMBS THE CHAMBER! FLYING WOLVERINE HEADBUTT OFF THE TOP! WALLS OF JERICHO/CRIPPLER CROSSFACE COMBO! TEN SECONDS UNTIL BATISTA! BATISTA MAKES THE SAVE! He destroys everyone in the match…except Triple H. He’s such an animal that he mercilessly press slams Y2J into a camera man too. That camera man needs medical attention, as inside the ring it takes both Benoit and Orton to put a stop to Batista’s rampage. BULLDOG ON THE CHAMBER FLOOR from Jericho to The Game…and he bleeds everywhere after that. Inside the ring Big Dave gives Benoit a spinebuster…then spinebusters Jericho on top of him! Benoit is eliminated at 26:15. BATISTA BOMB on Jericho! The Animal is thinning the herd, eliminating Jericho next at 27:37. It’s the original Evolution line-up making up our final three, spelling bad news for Orton. He is mauled by HHH and Batista; quickly left lying in a pool of his own blood. For the next several minutes he is beaten down, but defiantly refuses to quit. Batista Bomb COUNTERED TO THE RKO! Orton eliminates Batista at 32:33…as Triple H sits in the corner and does nothing to help. The crowd, who were hugely into Dave, really sh*t on that decision. Ric Flair dives into the Chamber as Randy levels HHH with the RKO, and as Michaels ejects the Nature Boy Batista attacks Orton again. HHH hits the Pedigree and takes back his World Title at 34:56
Rating - ****1/2 - Whether you agree that this reached MOTYC levels or not, surely most would agree that this was the best of the three Elimination Chambers thus far right? The first one was intense, but went too long, had to carry a half-dead HHH and all the combatants took some time getting used to their surroundings. The Summerslam ’03 Chamber was a lot of fun but lacked any real substance, had an awful finish…and had to carry a half-dead HHH. By comparison this one is an absolute blast, with great wrestling, layered storylines, big bumps, pools of blood and a HHH that can still walk by the end. The first twenty minutes were just an extremely well-worked wrestling match which happened to be inside the Chamber. First Benoit and Jericho worked their signature stiff, Japanese-influenced style. Then HHH entered and made it a brawl since he couldn’t out-work either of them. Next came Edge looking to increase the pace since he couldn’t out-wrestle Benoit or Jericho and couldn’t out-brawl Hunter. Orton came in and, quite rightly, only wanted to fight Triple H, given that they'd been feuding for months. Edge’s elimination and feud with Michaels was handled tastefully, Benoit’s dive off the Chamber was crazy…and even though it looked a little silly when they couldn’t get Batista’s cell open fast enough, that segment building up to him rescuing Triple H was AWESOME. As I said last time I watched this – the final period with Orton, HHH and Batista does feel a little flat, and I don’t think they did enough to tease the HHH/Batista tension. What this match did do, however, was firmly establish new players in Raw’s World Title division. HHH was champion once again (with Benoit relegated back to his spot making inferior workers look good) – but as a result of this Orton, Batista and Edge all look to be viable (and perhaps more crucially - still fresh) contenders. After two years of him crushing everyone in his path at the helm of Raw it is refreshing to see rising stars start to emerge…even at the end of a dire ppv such as this.
Triple H orders Batista to lift him onto his shoulders to celebrate his latest World Title reign. At this stage The Animal is still a compliant member of Evolution…but for how much longer?
Tape Rating - * - Shows like this are why the WWE Network is such a great viewing platform. You aren’t a sucker who paid way over the odds for a glorified house show, you pay a flat fee, you get to skip all the utter crap on this undercard and go straight to checking out the superb main event. This show truly is SO bad that even the outstanding main event doesn’t salvage it. This was like watching an independent show where they put all their top stars in a big main event and leave the undercard to suck. But WWE isn’t an independent. They are the biggest, wealthiest and ONLY major show in town, have their pick of talent across north America, and have no excuse for this event. Of course the injuries to Eugene and Lita weren’t their fault, and I do think that the Lita/Trish match was supposed to be one of the big selling points of this show. But that doesn’t excuse whatever the f*ck they booked for the Shelton/Maven match. It doesn’t excuse putting young Mohammad Hassan in an impossible position for his first PPV appearance. It doesn’t excuse filling up air time with a bunch of divas doing nothing. And it doesn’t excuse putting Gene Snitsky into major marquee matches when the guy can’t f*cking work. This event was a shameful low point for the WWE and almost an inevitability given the calibre of wrestler they’d been bringing in over the last year (Mordecai, Nathan Jones, Heidenreich, Snitsky, Kenzo Suzuki, Tyson Tomko, Matt Morgan etc). As a WWE Network viewer in 2017 this whole show is little more than an irrelevance; there simply isn’t any reason you’d watch anything that happens before the main event. But as a paying fan in 2005 you’d rightly feel extremely hacked off. The outstanding crowd in San Juan deserved better. The entire WWE fanbase deserved better…
Top 3 Matches
3) Lita vs Trish Stratus (N/A)
2) William Regal/Eugene vs Christian/Tyson Tomko (**)
1) Triple H vs Randy Orton vs Batista vs Chris Jericho vs Chris Benoit vs Edge (****1/2)