World Wrestling Entertainment – No Mercy 2004 – 3rd October 2004
A cursory glance at the card for this single-brand pay-per-view will tell you exactly how dire Smackdown was at the time. During my introduction for the Unforgiven 2004 Raw ppv I noted that, although critical reviews for the show weren’t exactly great, for the time period the card itself was actually half decent. I don’t think it is unfair to say that card for this event doesn’t look anything like as promising. Most of Smackdown’s half decent workers (Angle, Guerrero, Mysterio, Van Dam etc) are stuck with lumbering wastes of space like Kenzo Suzuki, Luther Reigns or Big Show – and that is before you reach a main event which features Undertaker and JBL. To be fair, the undercard does feature a rare sighting of Paul London on ppv, but his match is genuinely all I’m looking forward to here. Michael Cole and Tazz will preside over the ‘festivities’ in East Rutherford, NJ.
Eddie Guerrero vs Luther Reigns
The last time Smackdown presented their own ppv Eddie was WWE Champion and dragging JBL to some of the best matches of his career. Fast forward a few months and he is at the bottom of the card – tasked with trying to help some of Smackdown’s new heavyweights learn to actually work. I had completely forgotten that Reigns and Mark Jindrak (who accompanies him to ringside) formed a brief alliance with Kurt Angle, including helping Kurt shave Big Show’s head. As another of Angle’s rivals, Guerrero has also found himself on the receiving end of some Team Angle 2004 punishment – for which he wants some retribution tonight.
Eddie’s Tabasco sauce-style ‘Latino Heat’ shirt is insanely cool. Reigns looks clumsy as f*ck, accidentally popping Eddie in the face on a lariat, botching an Irish whip then taking a seriously ugly bump on a drop toehold – and all of that inside the first minute. Eddie actually looks at him in obvious disbelief as he starts walking in the wrong direction when they set up a basic dropkick spot. Michael Cole is running through Luther’s back-story (which includes getting stabbed in the heart and having his throat slit) and it sounds amazing, but holy hell is he an awful professional wrestler. Watching him bumble around like a goof whilst poor Guerrero desperately tries to hold things together is so sad. ‘Grab my wrist…grab my wrist’ – Eddie having to loudly teach Luther how to escape a f*cking WAISTLOCK on a WWE pay-per-view. The big man is looking to work Eddie’s back, but he only has one move to do it (backbreaker to surfboard)…so he does it over and over again. Reigns Supreme gets 2 following some intervention from Jindrak, before the Reign Of Terror gets countered to a Shiranui by Eddie! Three Amigos attempted only for Reigns to block the third into a huge gourdbuster. Eddie rolls outside…and snatches a police baton from a ‘cop’ at ringside. Meanwhile Luther is dragging a chair around, but gets it dropkicked into his face by Latino Heat. Frog Splash misses! He whacks Luther with the police baton instead! Frog Splash seals the victory at 13:21
Rating - * - I didn’t have the heart to give this match the DUD treatment. Luther Reigns had no business being in the ring with a talent like Guerrero, and Eddie earned a star rating for this match through sheer diligence and determination. To give WWE credit, the only way Luther will improve is by getting the chance to wrestle actual talents like Eddie in longer matches – but that is what house shows are for. In fact, learning how to wrestle is supposedly what developmental is for isn’t it? He might have big muscles but he really shouldn’t have been exposed, on pay-per-view, by having to work a thirteen minute match. At this point we didn’t have much more than a year left to enjoy Eddie Guerrero’s work. With hindsight, wasting one of those few precious remaining ppv matches on Luther is a real shame.
Josh Matthews interviews Dawn Marie about her proclaimed ‘affair’ with Charlie Haas. She then barges into Jackie Gayda’s locker room to make fun of her…
Spike Dudley vs Nunzio – WWE Cruiserweight Title Match
During this run the Dudley Boyz were united as a trio with Spike positioned as ‘The Boss’ and his brothers acting as his heavies. It produced some entertaining moments, but considering some of the fantastic junior heavyweight talents WWE had signed to them, having the Cruiserweight Title on Spike really didn’t seem like a waste of the belt. Here he faces the leader of another former ECW trio, as the FBI’s Nunzio (Little Guido) challenges him for the gold.
Johnny Stamboli and the Dudley Boyz are all at ringside creating a crowded scene as the bell rings. Nunzio never got credited at all for his legitimate shoot-wrestling skill during his time in the WWE, but he gives us a brief glimpse at his considerable mat skills by out-working the champ and forcing him to leave the ring. The Full Blooded Italian has a counter for everything Dudley tries – and he even finds time to hit a pescado to the floor. D-Von eventually has to attack Guido from behind just so Spike can get back to his feet. Sicilian Slice countered with a dropkick to the stomach, and it leaves Nunzio slumped against the ropes where Bubba Ray can take a cheap shot. Tazz spots that Spike is working the challenger’s neck – which really will soften him up for the Acid Drop. Dudley tries to spring off the ropes but gets caught into a SECOND ROPE POWERBOMB by Nunzio! Sicilian Slice gets 2! Double stomp missed by Spike…leading to him getting BACK BODY DROPPED ON THE FLOOR! Bubba and D-Von interfere again, with Bubba crotching Nunzio against the ringpost. Spike wins at 08:47
Rating - ** - This would have been a perfectly decent match to put onto a weekly Smackdown episode, but felt out of place on a pay-per-view. It was nice getting to watch James Maritato enjoy some time on a big stage to really show off what a tremendous worker he is though. Unfortunately he lost most of his career as a comedy guy in companies like ECW and WWE, where he couldn’t necessarily work the style of wrestling at which he was most proficient. When they weren’t sidetracked by interference and cheap booking, he and Spike actually had a crisp little wrestling match.
Billy Kidman vs Paul London
Not only is Paul London in an actual singles match on ppv, it actually has a feud behind it too! He and Kidman were friends and Tag Champions...until Billy accidentally gave Chavo Guerrero a concussion with his version of the Shooting Star Press. Apparently scarred by the incident, Billy started refusing to do the SSP because he didn’t want to legitimately injure people. He walked out on matches, and finally cost he and Paul London the WWE Tag Titles. Paul was, understandably, quite upset by this – and Smackdown GM Theodore Long put them together for a grudge match at No Mercy. This has a special stipulation – if Kidman tries to walk out, quit or get disqualified he is fired.
London’s Titantron video and entrance music make him seem like a job-guy. Kidman actually tries to avoid getting into the ring for the match to start, meaning Paul has to go out and fetch him. London beats him all around the ring, whilst Billy doesn’t look like he wants to fight at all. SPRINGBOARD MOONSAULT TO THE FLOOR! Kidman is on the run – and resorts to kicking his former partner right in his recently-broken nose. He then tosses him RIBS-FIRST into the ringpost with such force that a cameraman gets sent flying. BK works London’s midsection – giving him a massive gutbuster for a nearfall. London can barely stand, and loudly screams in pain even when executing offensive manoeuvres. He looks for a powerbomb…only for Kidman to crush him down onto his ribs again with an X-Factor. BK Bomb COUNTERED into a hurricanrana for 2…so Billy dropkicks him right in the stomach. Kidman knows he has the match won if only he could hit the SSP, but doesn’t want to do it so thinks about walking out instead. London capitalises with a superkick! LONDON STAR PRESS – INTO KIDMAN’S KNEES! Now Billy is pissed off! SHOOTING STAR PRESS! With knees right in London’s ribs! Kidman wins at 10:36
Rating - **** - What an awesome little match this was. The wrestling was superb, we got some awesome big spots which really meant something within the context of the story they were telling, the psychological ‘wrestling with demons’ angle they were doing with Kidman was really intriguing and it all culminated in a thrilling battle of the SSP’s at the climax. I’m not sure whether this was the first time Paul had broke out his SSP in the WWE, but up to this point he certainly didn’t do it very often since Kidman was famously very protective of it (even though Paul’s is considerably better than his). The fact that he got to break it out, in a moment which meant a huge amount within the confines of the angle, was just fantastic. Perhaps I’m being a little generous with my rating, but you don’t see too many better ten minute sprint matches than this. These guys just stole the show…and are probably heading backstage to get a major telling off by management for doing so.
London is coughing up blood, as Kidman grabs the microphone and blames the fans for ‘making him’ injure his former partner. EMT’s strap Paul onto a stretcher…SO KIDMAN SSP’S HIM ON THE DAMN STRETCHER! Wow!
John Layfield complains to Josh Matthews about the decision to broadcast footage of Undertaker winning his various WWE Championships throughout the night. He blames the ‘liberal media’ and wants to piss everyone off by leaving as Champion, but stops short of guaranteeing victory tonight…
Rene Dupree/Kenzo Suzuki vs Rob Van Dam/Rey Mysterio – WWE Tag Title Match
Was there a particular reason Dupree and Suzuki started teaming up? It obviously wasn’t quite as short-term as I’d imagined because the production team have gone to the effort of making a mash-up of both their entrance themes for them to come out to. Kenzo’s wife waving Rene’s French flag is a nice touch too. The fact that WWE couldn’t find something better for two of the best performers on the Smackdown brand (plus Dupree, who I’ve always maintained could have been half-decent if he’d been developed properly and not lumbered with such an awful gimmick) than to chuck them together for a half-baked Tag Title Match tells you everything about how little officials cared about Smackdown…
Even more bizarrely, Kenzo appears to love America (despite teaming with fervent anti-American Rene) and tries to sing ‘Born In The USA’ before the match. Dupree impresses by keeping up with RVD during one of his typical near-miss sequences. STEREO SOMERSAULT PLANCHAS by Van Dam and Mysterio! RVD wants to end it early but is shoved off the top rope by Dupree as he sets up the Five Star. Suzuki starts to isolate Rob, and after how awful Luther Reigns was earlier he doesn’t seem anywhere near as bad in comparison. He is still boring as sh*t but at least he isn’t having his hand held through the whole match. The crowd nearly falls asleep during his heat segment on Van Dam, but wakes up with the hot tag to Rey. The masked man is in imperious form tonight, and nearly wins the titles with his springboard hilo. Dupree blocks the 619…so RVD back drops Rey into a moonsault on him! Rolling Thunder on Rene! 619 on Kenzo! Dupree stops Mysterio Dropping Da Dime, allowing Suzuki to grab the ropes and steal a cheap win at 09:12
Rating - * - Much like Eddie/Luther from earlier in the show, this match was redeemed by the effort, tenacity and quality of the work from the talented half of the combatants. Mysterio and Van Dam carried a lot of the workload which helped (all the worst parts of this were when Suzuki or Dupree were on offence). Ultimately what could have been offensively bad wound up being predictably forgettable – which is something of a victory. I’ll say again – Smackdown was NOT in a good place at all during 2004.
Kurt Angle vs Big Show
The grudge between these two men goes back a long way. Show Chokeslammed Kurt off a balcony causing him to miss some serious ring-time with neck and leg injuries. Unfortunately Angle was made Smackdown General Manager, allowing him to ‘fire’ Big Show…and we hadn’t seen him in months (and nobody missed him). Teddy Long reinstated him when he became the GM, and Show returned in every bit as bad a shape as he was when he left. He made a beeline for Angle, who surrounded himself with the protection of Luther Reigns and Mark Jindrak. The trio used a tranquiliser dart to render the giant unconscious then shave his gross hair off. This feud is trying to portray Angle as the villain, but as Show is one of my least favourite wrestlers of all time I find the video recap of his antics hilarious.
Angle tries running away, then tries to go Greco-Roman…but both approaches lead to nothing more than him getting smeared into the mat at the hands of the giant. After a colossal press slam Kurt decides he has seen enough and flees into the crowd as the ref counts him out at 03:35. Theodore Long is quickly on the scene to order the ref to restart the match and announce that Angle will be fired if he doesn’t return. The manhandling continues…with a steel chair getting punched into Angle’s face when he tries to use it. Chokeslam countered to the Anklelock, with Show spending more than a minute in the hold before kicking his way free. The ref took a bump during that sequence, and as Big Show inspects his bad leg Angle grabs the steel chair again and uses it to smash the leg up further. It isn’t being unkind to say that Show’s attempts to sell the injury are piss poor though. He ‘stumbles’ into an Angle Slam for 2, before Kurt retrieves the tranquiliser gun. This time Big Show snatches it and smashes it (and has completely abandoned selling his leg now). Alley-Oop nailed, followed by a SUPER Chokeslam! Show wins at 13:30 (total)
Rating - * - I’d have gone higher on my rating if Big Show could have been bothered to act like an actual professional wrestler and sell an injury. Angle worked hard and took some big bumps but was helpless to stop this from descending into the usual sucktitude that envelops every Big Show match. I’ve never made a secret of my complete disdain for Big Show as a wrestler. He seems like a genuine, affable and charitable man outside the ring, but as a worker I hate him. If I watched any of the TV shows he performed on he would regularly have me reaching for the remote to change the channel whenever he appeared. It took one of the best performers ever to grace a wrestling ring, Teddy Long stall tactics, ref bumps and all manner of smoke and mirrors just to carry his big ass to something remotely tolerable tonight.
Booker T vs John Cena – WWE United States Title Best Of 5 Series Match 5
The Best of 5 Series between US Champion Booker T and the man who never lost it in John Cena began at Summerslam. Cena took a 1-0 lead, before slipping 1-2 behind after a couple of controversial victories for the defending champion. The scores were levelled weeks before, meaning that we require the decisive match here tonight with both men tied at two victories apiece.
Cena begins the match frantically going for pinfalls, looking to snatch the win and the title early. Booker spends minutes on the defensive before finding a way to toss the challenger out of the ring. The champ is attacking Cena’s neck – and is such a veteran he is doing it with as little effort as possible. Unfortunately that means that the clock has reached eight minutes and we’re still waiting for anything exciting to happen. Five Knuckle Shuffle gets 2, only for the F-U to be blocked with clubbing shots to the neck. Book End nailed! Axe Kick misses, and Cena hits the F-U to win the belt at 10:20
Rating - ** - Like every other match in this series, this one was boring and will be forgotten by most within minutes of it ending. I couldn’t see many references to their previous matches…nor could I see any reason to get excited about their work at all. It felt like two men going through the motions and wrestling the most basic match they could get away with – not two men contesting the climactic battle in a five match series on pay-per-view. It is depressing that this extremely low-end 2* match, that was so uneventful almost nothing happened in almost ten minutes of ring-time, will probably end up being one of the better bouts on the show.
SIDENOTE – After that whole series, Cena would actually lose the belt the same week on Smackdown to the debuting Carlito…
Dudley Boyz/Dawn Marie vs Charlie Haas/Rico Constantino/Miss Jackie
Despite being one of the most over acts on the roster, WWE aren’t really doing anything with the Dudley Boyz on the Smackdown brand. No explanation is offered as to why they are in this match – with all the hype being around Dawn Marie talking up a supposed ‘affair’ with Charlie Haas, who had just gotten engaged to ‘Miss’ Jackie Gayda. Charlie and Rico were part of an odd-couple team at this point – formed because, as usual, WWE had no clue what to do with them as singles acts.
D-Von tries to jump Haas from behind, which works until Charlie regains his vertical base and starts easily out-wrestling him. Dawn tries to motorboat Charlie too, leading to Jackie crashing the ring and ripping her shirt off. Bubba’s look of complete indifference as he yanks Gayda to the mat by her hair is a thing of real beauty. He cares as much about her well-being as WWE does about this pay-per-view. Rico tags in and utilises some of his usual camp comedy routine on Bubba, who looks thoroughly unimpressed and responds by really roughing him up. Tazz calls Michael Cole ‘androgynous’ on commentary, which is one of my favourite parts of the entire show. Haas gets a tag and hits some impressive suplexes on Bubba Ray as Constantino takes out D-Von with a flying crossbody. Jackie and Dawn Marie are fighting too so the tag format has gone totally out of the window. They brawl to the floor as Rico hits his moonsault on D-Von for the win at 08:47
Rating - ** - You could criticise WWE’s aimless booking or clichéd stereotyping of certain characters, but when that is stripped away this was actually quite a well-executed wrestling match. That doesn’t necessarily make it ‘good’ or ‘entertaining’ – but for the most part they kept this light-hearted, breezy and totally functional as filler to pad out a weak card. Dawn and Jackie didn’t try to wrestle, Charlie got to look like a wrestling machine, and the interactions between Rico and the Dudleyz were mildly amusing too. There have been some outright BAD matches on this ppv; it would be unfair to level the same criticism at this one. It isn’t the fault of the wrestlers that the writers don’t give a sh*t about them.
John Bradshaw Layfield vs Undertaker – WWE Title Last Ride Match
JBL emerged with some credit from Summerslam. Although he needed plenty of rule breaking and a terrible disqualification to actually retain his championship – the fact that he actually held his own with the Phenom for as long as he did was admirable. He returned to Smackdown after being chokeslammed through his own limousine in a neckbrace and proclaiming that Taker would not receive a rematch or any further championship opportunities…then wanted to hold a faux-burial for the Deadman. Theodore Long had other ideas, and booked the rematch. The ensuing hostilities actually seem quite entertaining in highlight form - involving Layfield paying off old members of Undertaker’s Ministry of Darkness (Viscera and Gangrel) to turn against him, and Taker hanging Orlando Jordan from the roof of an arena in a mock crucifixion. The Last Ride stipulations are simple – no disqualifications and no rules; a winner is declared when one man is shut in the back of a hearse located at ringside and driven from the building.
JBL tries to start on the front foot by socking the challenger in the mouth – but Undertaker shakes it off and quickly beats him to the ground. Such is the ferocity of Taker’s attack in the first five minutes that even referee Nick Patrick dives for cover. It takes more than six minutes for Bradshaw to get in another offensive move – but when it comes it is a big one as he nails his opponent with the metal steps. A flying football tackle topples Undertaker again and for the first time the Phenom looks vulnerable. Its only momentary though, as seconds later he locks in a triangle choke and renders JBL unconscious. The champ tapped out, but that means nothing under these stipulations – Undertaker’s sole focus here is choking him out so he can drag him to the hearse. He recovers before that plan comes to fruition though, and bundles the Deadman knees-first into the other set of steps. Layfield thinks about a piledriver on the steps too, only to find it countered meaning he takes a massive back drop off the steps to the rock hard floor below. TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER ON THE STEEL STEPS! That busts the champion open, but his ringside position is quite literally as far away from the hearse as it’s possible to get enough entering the crowd. Stumbling blindly, he grabs a steel chair and waffles Undertaker with it, before slipping over in a pool of his own blood and collapsing alongside him. CHOKESLAM THROUGH THE SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE! Undertaker looked set to secure victory, but is ambushed in the aisle by Jon Heidenreich who uses chloroform to drag Undertaker into the back of the hearse. It starts to drive out of the arena…but Taker kicks the door down and re-emerges. CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL IN THE AISLE! JBL and Heidenreich load the Phenom into the hearse – meaning Layfield retains the title at 21:06
Rating - ** - Overall I think giving this the same rating as Summerslam is justified. I actually preferred Summerslam as a wrestling match, but this one had some really cool spots. Both finishes were equally farcical…although in fairness controversial finishes have basically become part of JBL’s gimmick since he became WWE Champion. To give Bradshaw some credit, despite his obvious limitations you can’t deny that he is working exceptionally hard to become a credible champion and main event persona. Smackdown was desperately short of star power by this stage and at every pay-per-view he is bumping, bleeding and throwing himself around with reckless abandon to solidify the elevated roster spot he has been given. Perhaps the biggest success of this match was that, for the majority of the time, I felt like Bradshaw posed more of a legitimate threat to Undertaker than he did at Summerslam. Nothing about this feud has been of great assistance to him – sure he gets heat from beating Undertaker, but making him look so dramatically inferior to the Phenom renders his reign as champion worthless and limits his drawing potential from the get-go – but this was as close as I’ve seen him get to coming off as an actual threat to an established top tier guy.
It turns out that Paul Heyman was the man driving the hearse – and he parks up outside the arena before instructing Heidenreich to ram it with a nearby 4x4. The hearse explodes, leaving Heyman and Heidenreich (who miraculously survived with nothing more than a bloody nose) to celebrate the apparent murder of the Undertaker…
Tape Rating - * - A truly awful pay-per-view from top to bottom. Apart from an impressive ten minute sprint between Billy Kidman and Paul London (which ultimately meant very little because WWE audiences had been trained to not care about those guys for more than a year) there is literally NOTHING of value on this show at all. It isn’t that Smackdown didn’t have workers of value or quality – hell, they have some of the best wrestlers on the entire roster in the likes of Angle, Guerrero, Mysterio and RVD…and the best tag team in the Dudleyz. They have a bonafide legend in the Undertaker, and a heat magnet champion in JBL. It’s that NONE of them are being booked into positions where they can showcase their skills. Watching Eddie carry Luther Reigns was just depressing. Having Mysterio and Van Dam waste time in aimless tag team filler just plain sucks. And by this point we’d seen Kurt Angle work his magic and carry Big Show countless times – and this was miles from their best effort. And what the hell was the finish to that main event about? The Undertaker has been murdered, buried, and whatever else countless times by far bigger names than Heidenreich. The ‘murder in the car park’ angle barely worked for Stone Cold in 1999, and was well and truly finished at Survivor Series 2000 when HHH survived a 90-foot drop off a crane with nothing more than a few scratches. Rehashing it again here does nothing more than pitifully try to distract you from yet another time where Undertaker and his gimmick are relentlessly protected even at the expense of a new champion who still has zero credibility and needs all the help he can get as fans ask ‘why has that APA undercard guy had a haircut, bought a suit and suddenly become WWE Champion’? I cannot fathom a WWE fan purchasing this pay-per-view and coming away feeling like they’d got value for money. Thankfully shows like this are why the WWE Network is so great. If you have a spare fifteen minutes, find the London/Kidman match since it was a hidden diamond…but then go watch Holy Foley, Total Divas marathons or Corey Graves talking about tattoos. They will all be far more worthwhile than the rest of this show.
Top 3 Matches
3) Spike Dudley vs Nunzio (**)
2) John Bradshaw Layfield vs Undertaker (**)
1) Billy Kidman vs Paul London (****)