World Wrestling Entertainment – Great American Bash 2004 – 27th June 2004
I was really out of the WWE loop by this point in 2004, and I’ve never seen this show. In fact, I don’t recall seeing any of WWE’s ‘Great American Bash’ attempts during the mid-00’s. Looking at the card here, I’m starting to think that I wasn’t missing out on much. Luther Reigns, Kenzo Suzuki, Mordecai and Sable all work singles matches, and the main event pits the Undertaker against the Dudley Boyz in a ‘Concrete Crypt Match’ which has notoriously gone down as one of the most corny things the WWE has ever done. In truth, the big question heading into this pay-par-view is whether three big championship matches on the undercard can salvage the show, and prevent a promising start to 2004 slipping into a depressing post-Backlash slump. Rey Mysterio and Chavo Guerrero get a chance to rematch their superb Cruiserweight Title encounter from No Way Out – and once again if they get time to play with you’d predict that could be decent. Hot(ish) midcard stars collide over the United States Title as John Cena defends against Rob Van Dan, Booker T and Rene Dupree. And after they stole the show with a spectacularly bloody battle at Judgment Day, Eddie Guerrero and JBL lock horns over the WWE Championship once again – this time in a Texas Bullrope Match. Truth be told I’ve found getting through my reviews of Judgment Day and Bad Blood a real tough task, so I’m hoping against hope that this one surprises me. Michael Cole and Tazz are in Norfolk, VA.
John Cena vs Rob Van Dam vs Rene Dupree vs Booker T – WWE United States Title Match
As we know from Judgment Day, Cena and Dupree have had issues previously. In fact, feuding with Cena was among the more tolerable things Dupree did in his entire WWE run. He may look a little out of his depth tonight though when he steps into the ring with not only Cena, but also two experienced athletes with significantly more talent than he has. Booker has (predictably) slid way back down the Smackdown card after getting crushed by the Undertaker, and is now basically in exactly the same spot he was in on the Raw brand.
Van Dam and Booker were tag partners for a while (you probably forgot that), but are the first two to come to blows. Book drives his spine into the apron as he looks to set up the corkscrew leg drop, whilst inside the ring Cena and Dupree have renewed hostilities from the last Smackdown ppv. Rene clears the champ from the ring then takes the fight to RVD after he is fed into the ring by an opportunistic Booker – who happily stands outside the ring watching other guys fight for the time-being. Rolling Thunder gets 2, and followed by a somersault plancha over the top rope into both Rene and Cena. Booker is forced into the ring by Mr PPV, and he then eats a powerslam from the French Phenom. 110th Street Slam on him! FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH ON BOTH OF THEM! As RVD recovers from the impact of that Cena sneaks in to eliminate him at 08:17. The heels team up to attack the champion, and the only thing more clichéd than that is their inevitable falling out when it comes to actually pinning Cena – even though that makes no sense since this is elimination rules. Throwback from Cena to Booker, followed by the F-U on Dupree. By the time he’d pulled that off Booker had recovered enough to hit him with the Ghetto Blaster…before pinning the still-KO’d Dupree at 11:15. Five Knuckle Shuffle gets 2…only for Book to level him with a superkick. Ghetto Blaster countered to the F-U! Cena retains at 15:51
Rating - ** - The first period was actually really enjoyable. Cena was vibrant as the defending champion, RVD was doing all his usual spots to rapturous applause, and both Booker and Rene equally entertaining as villains, albeit in very different manners. Unfortunately after Van Dam’s elimination things got a little predictable. I hated almost all of the second fall and it took so much momentum out of the match that the final showdown between Cena and Booker had very little heat on it.
Charlie Haas and Jackie Gayda congratulate Cena on his victory (even though Cena openly hits on Haas’ future wife). General Manager Kurt Angle wheels in to berate his former protégé, before forcing him into facing Kurt’s new project – Luther Reigns. Elsewhere Sable is hanging out in a hot tub…
Charlie Haas vs Luther Reigns
The premise of pitting Kurt’s new protégé against his old protégé would actually have made for a relatively interesting storyline and added some depth to this paper-thin undercard, so it is a shame that this got thrown together at the last minute. Haas is a strong talent inside the ring but always struggled to get over on his own. He will be heavily reliant on that in-ring talent if he is to pull anything good out of Reigns – who had been wrestling since the late-90’s so didn’t even have ‘inexperience’ as an excuse for how appalling he was.
Haas tries to wrestle with the bigger man, made easier by the fact that Reigns is such a bad wrestler that he can’t help but openly telegraph everything he’s about to do. Eventually Luther’s size and plodding offence (and horrible Irish whips) put him in charge…although that is pretty dull so I will pause to question why Kurt Angle’s wheelchair has a French flag on the back of it? Credit to Reigns, at least he’s trying to tell a story by targeting Haas’ lower back. Unfortunately even his own mentor (Angle) is now bored and pointing at his watch. Charlie no-sells all the offence on his back with a bridging German…so in turn Luther no sells that to hit the Reign Of Terror for the win at 07:11
Rating - * - Probably better than you might have expected, although that isn’t saying much. The hushed silence of the crowd (even with Kurt Angle out there) tells you all you need to know about the prospects of these two. One has the look and no talent, whilst the other has plenty of talent but no personality. I felt like both these guys were working extremely hard, but in a situation which highlighted all their weaknesses rather than showcased any of their strengths…
John Bradshaw Layfield spins the Judgment Day main event in his favour like a politician, objects to being vilified for his actions, complains about not being considered an American hero…and guarantees to leave tonight as WWE Champion.
Rey Mysterio vs Chavo Guerrero – WWE Cruiserweight Title Match
These two have plenty of history, including a hell of a match back at No Way Out 2004 which isn’t anywhere near as fondly remembered as I believe it should be. Chavo, now without his father in his corner, forced this rematch after winning a #1 contendership Battle Royal…and is also looking to win back some credibility after his mini-feud with Jacqueline.
Mysterio tosses flash pins around early, making a point that he is significantly quicker than his challenger. As the minutes tick by his speed continues to be his primary weapon as he totally outsmarts Guerrero by back flipping off the ropes into an armwrench. He then starts busting out armdrags from all kinds of angles in true lucha fashion. You don’t get to watch Mysterio slow the pace and work a body part often, but he’s actually really good at it and does a real number on Chavo’s arm. It’s actually when he tries to mount the ropes for the first time that he comes undone – and gets sent flying to the floor after a springboard dropkick from his opponent. The rough landing does some severe damage to his bum knees which Guerrero instantly looks to capitalise on. We get a Figure 4 around the ringpost, repeated shinbreakers then a high angle half crab in quick succession as it becomes clear that Rey didn’t do anywhere near enough damage to the arm during his time in the ascendancy. Chavo kicks the bad knee so hard that the champ does a complete flip through the air before landing right down on top of it! SPINNING hurricanrana from Mysterio, with some knee selling thrown in too. Guerrero quickly puts another boot into the leg before suplexing him knee-first into the top turnbuckle. Tree of woe spear misses…and Chavo’s bad arm cracks into the ringpost! SEATED SENTON OFF THE TOP TO THE FLOOR BY REY! They battle all the way back to the top rope…DOUBLE FACEBUSTER BACK INTO THE RING! Both men down! Chavo goes for a Boston Crab…only for Mysterio to free himself by kicking the bad arm. He then delivers a rebound missile dropkick (again with knee selling!). LIMPING FLYING CROSSBODY! He then satellites around the injured arm into a Russian legsweep for 2. Springboard seated senton gets 2 as well, possibly because of the slight hesitation Rey made thanks to his injured wheel. VICTORY ROLL…COUNTERED TO A GORY BOMB! FOR 2! And Chavo made sure to use his GOOD arm to cradle Rey’s bad leg! LIMPING 619! WEST COAST POP COUNTERED TO A HALF CRAB! REY MAKES THE ROPES! Guerrero goes for one last Gory Bomb, but struggles due to his arm injury. COUNTERED TO A CODE RED! REY WINS at 19:40!
Rating - **** - Awesome match, and even better than No Way Out. This one packed in more action, better psychology, a clean finish and no antics involving Jorge Paez and Chavo Classic. These guys are such natural opponents – both proficient in the lucha style but different in that Chavo forms the perfect, grounded base to contrast with Mysterio’s snazzier moveset. This pay-per-view doesn’t have the greatest of reputations, but if you’re a Network subscriber it’s worth digging out the show just to check this one out. Eddie and JBL are going to have a hell of a time trying to top this.
Torrie Wilson is in the hot tub with Spike Dudley, Funaki and then-husband Billy Kidman. Poor BK has to pretend he’s ok with two other Cruiserweight also-rans perving on his wife.
Kenzo Suzuki vs Billy Gunn
Of all the talents WWE could have picked up from Japan (particularly at this point in time) and given a push to, Kenzo Suzuki was the guy they went with? In Japan he didn’t have a reputation as a particularly talented, skilful or entertaining performer…and nobody really missed him once he’d departed for America. Having said that, his entrance was awesome! I’d also completely forgotten that his real-life wife Hiroko was part of his act. If you’re interested, Billy Gunn had regressed all the way back to ‘Mr Ass’ and would be gone from the WWE before the end of ’04.
The opening minute is so laughably slow if this was PWG you’d swear they were doing slow-mo wrestling on purpose. Kenzo lands a couple of strikes, which apparently demonstrates his ‘martial arts prowess’ (Michael Cole’s words, not mine)…before Gunn fights back with a fisherman suplex. Rising Sun STO by Suzuki gets 2. The pace really quickens with Kenzo spending legitimate minutes working a claw hold. It’s so boring that poor Michael Cole actually has to resort to shilling a f*cking Mordecai match. The problem with Kenzo is that all his offence looks so awkward and sluggish. Even a veteran like Gunn is having a hard time making him look even remotely competent. More rest holds come next as this interminable match rumbles on. Finally Mr Ass lands a Stinger Splash, but sees the Fame Asser countered into a Crappy Wizard (even crappier than Jimmy Rave’s!). Suzuki then wins with an inverted DDT backbreaker at 08:06
Rating - DUD - An ugly clash of styles, which is a phrase you could probably use to describe Suzuki’s entire WWE run. The poor guy wasn’t particularly adept at the Japanese puroresu style, and looked hopelessly out of his depth trying to get to grips with the ‘WWE style’ too. This was too long, had no business on a pay-per-view and became more and more uncomfortable to watch the longer it went on.
Backstage Paul Heyman is holding Paul Bearer hostage. He can’t wait to watch Bearer buried in concrete tonight…unless Undertaker ‘does the right thing’.
Sable vs Torrie Wilson
As usual, a combination of Torrie, Dawn and/or Sable are wheeled out to provide a cheap tits and ass popcorn break for a Smackdown pay-per-view. These two have had a petty, jealous, catty rivalry for a long time…with this particular flare up coming as a result of Sable resenting the fact that Torrie has been chosen as the poster-girl/spokesperson for the relaunch of the Great American Bash.
Remember when Sable was Women’s Champion? Apparently she does too, and wants to show she can work by throwing around some vaguely MMA-ish kicks to Wilson’s torso. Horrible sunset flip gets Torrie a 2…before Sable gives her an even more horrible drop toehold into the bottom rope. Japanese stranglehold applied, which actually makes sense in the context of the match but kills the crowd after all the lousy rest holds they had to sit through during the Suzuki/Gunn bout previously. Poor Torrie’s execution is lousy tonight – her comeback consists of some hideous suplexes and the most telegraphed ‘both competitors knock heads’ spot you will ever see. Sable fakes a serious head injury, then pounces to pin Wilson using her tights…even though BOTH of Torrie’s shoulders were off the mat. A crappy end to another pretty dire match. 06:05 is your time.
Rating - DUD - Once again it’s hard to knock these women when it comes to workrate and competitiveness. It isn’t like they were obviously phoning it in – they weren’t. They looked like they were working hard, and Sable seemed particularly motivated at points. The problem is neither of them are particularly skilful professional wrestlers and they’d been thrown out there with no story to tell and no mission other than to kill time and pad out the card. They got put in a lousy position and didn’t have the necessary skills to navigate a way out of it. Two DUD’s in a row…and Mordecai is up next.
Now Dawn Marie is on bikini/hot tub duty. Rene Dupree tells her he intends to protest until he gets a US Title rematch. The FBI interrupt, and I’ll admit Nunzio gets a few chuckles out of me with his attempts to flirt with her.
Mordecai vs Hardcore Holly
Credit to WWE, they clearly want me to care about Mordecai – as they’ve booked him against one of my least favourite performers on the roster. By this point major cracks were already showing, simply because the gimmick was lame and Kevin Fertig wasn’t good enough in the ring to carry it. He was being put in the ring with veterans like Hardcore Bob to ‘show him how to work’…implying that Hardcore Holly has ever had more than a handful of even half-decent matches in his entire life.
These two had a brawl on Smackdown, which was apparently so insignificant that the reasons for it were never explained. They pick up where they left off on TV by coming to blows once again. Mordecai tries to crack Big Bob’s head against his ‘staff’…but barely makes contact. He then botches a simply forearm strike to the back. Deciding that moving is too difficult for him, Mordy settles for chinlocks and headlocks. It’s hard to get those wrong, although you’d wager that if anyone could flub them – it’s him. Hardcore Bob escapes with a flapjack, executed with such force that Mordecai slingshots back off the ropes right into him. If that was intentional it was a stupid spot, and it was a botch then it was dumb as sh*t too. Rydien Bomb gets 2 for Mordles, but Holly is in no mood to sell now and pops up immediately to hit a dropkick. Mordecai hits the Crucifix for the win at 06:31
Rating - DUD - I don’t get why WWE talent recruitment didn’t change a lot earlier than it did. During this time period they just had so many major flops – between the Bashams, Nathan Jones, Matt Morgan, Heidenreich, Snitsky, Mordecai, Suzuki, Tomko etc. The prototype for future WWE stars was completely broken at this point, and at a time when the brand extension meant there was more room than ever before to breed and nurture new talent. Mordecai/Kevin Fertig just wasn’t ready for this run – in fact at times here he looked like he had barely attended any wrestling classes in his entire life. Yet it wasn’t his fault he was being put on TV embarrassing himself and his company night after night.
Eddie Guerrero vs John Bradshaw Layfield – WWE Title Texas Bullrope Match
At Judgment Day these two surprised a lot of people when they contested an all out war. Thanks to an illicit chair shot from JBL, Eddie bled buckets (literal buckets)…but refused to be quit and eventually lost via an unfortunate disqualification when the referee witnessed him use the WWE Title (that Layfield had brought into the ring) as a weapon. JBL had guaranteed victory at Judgment Day so, on paper at least, lived up to his word. But he wasn’t happy with the result and petitioned Kurt Angle to grant an immediate rematch – which was soon booked for this ppv. This time Layfield was allowed to choose the stipulation, and chose the Texas Bullrope Match to ensure that Eddie couldn’t run, couldn’t lie, couldn’t cheat, couldn’t steal and couldn’t get himself disqualified. Given his size and strength advantage the stipulations obviously favour him, and questions were still raised around Guerrero’s health as it took him several weeks to fully recover from their first, bruising encounter. Can the cunning and devious Latino Heat survive another onslaught from the sadistic and determined JBL?
Who decided to attach a cowbell to the bullrope? That won’t get annoying as this progresses. Guerrero shows his street-smarts by dropkicking the heavily-braced left knee of his challenger to gain an immediate advantage. JBL retorts by whacking Eddie so hard he falls straight out of the bullrope. That freaking cowbell is also making them extremely tentative when taking even basic back bumps in case they land on top of the damn thing. They take turns testing out if the lights over the turnbuckles work by touching a couple each, but we are still very much in the early-going and it leads to Layfield whacking Guerrero with the cowbell. He strips down both announce tables…but takes too long and gets flogged with the rope by the champion. More intelligence from Eddie next – using the bullrope to assist him in driving Bradshaw’s shoulder into the ringpost. Shades of Judgment Day now as they brawl into the laps of Michael Cole and Tazz…except this time it’s Eddie who hits JBL with the chair! Like Guerrero in their last encounter, John bleeds heavily and staggers blindly into another vicious chair shot. The champ has time to touch three of the four turnbuckles before he makes any kind of recovery. He uses the rope to pull Eddie back towards him, into a DDT which puts them both down and out on the canvas. Three Amigos nailed, followed by the FROG SPLASH! But JBL tumbles out of the ring making it physically impossible for Guerrero to reach the final turnbuckle. He cracks Eddie with the cowbell again, before wrapping the bullrope around his throat to toss him OFF THE SECOND ROPE, INTO THE SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE! He doesn’t even get time to recover before Layfield scoops him up again for a POWERBOMB THROUGH THE TABLE! When Eddie refuses to allow the challenger to complete the turnbuckle quadrilogy he gets another savage cowbell shot across the forehead. COWBELL TO THE BALLS BY EDDIE! They each touch three turnbuckles in short order, before Layfield lands a Clothesline From Hell in the corner! Eddie lunges to the final turnbuckle, apparently over JBL, and touches it for the victory at 21:06. Or so it seemed! Kurt Angle is wheeled out to ‘do the right thing’, and he points out that Layfield’s back actually touched the buckles before Eddie’s hand. That means JBL is declared the winner, and new WWE Champion.
Rating - **** - I preferred Judgment Day since that one wasn't handicapped by such a convoluted stipulation, but for the second Smackdown pay-per-view in a row these two have surprised me with a tense, old-fashioned brawl of a match which I found to be compulsive viewing. The finish won’t be to everyone’s liking, but it does protect Guerrero in defeat whilst setting up Guerrero/Angle once Kurt has recovered – and with Eddie melting down in the championship role, JBL was as hot an act as any on the Smackdown roster to take the belt from him. I’ve been extremely critical of Bradshaw over the years. I dislike his politics, and I found his laziness during the last few years of APA tedium impossible to watch. But he got himself in fantastic shape for this run, and came out swinging for the fences with a controversial, divisive and intensely dislikeable character which made him an excellent wrestling villain. Of course it helps that he had the supremely talented Eddie Guerrero to ‘make him’ as a main event talent, but the man himself deserves plenty of credit too.
Such is his enduring popularity that, regardless of his loss, the crowd loudly chant ‘Eddie’ over JBL’s celebrations. Guerrero himself gets a standing ovation on his way out of the ring too.
Dudley Boyz vs Undertaker – Concrete Crypt Match
No longer a General Manager, Paul Heyman contented himself by establishing an alliance with two familiar faces from his past in the Dudley Boyz. He felt they had become stale and sanitised by years in the WWE and wanted to motivate them…and that paid off when they abducted Paul Bearer, leaving him with control of the mysterious urn. Like that scene in Aladdin when Jafar gets the magic lamp, Undertaker became a satanic genie under Paul E’s control – used as a weapon to dish out punishment and destruction up and down the Smackdown roster. Now Undertaker is booked against the Dudleyz in a 2-on-1 situation with a simple choice – join Paul Heyman out of loyalty (rather than urn mind control), or watch Paul Bearer encased in concrete within a sizeable plexi-glass ‘crypt’ which has been set up next to a cement mixer underneath the Titantron. This whole angle walks a fine line between utter ridiculousness, childish nonsense and senseless violence and it remains to be seen whether the results are some sports entertainment-style fun or something quite dark and uncomfortable.
Bubba and Heyman advise Taker that the ‘right thing’ is to lay down for the WWE Tag Champions, and give an early demonstration of the Concrete Crypt’s functionality by filling Bearer’s chamber ankle-deep with cement. He obliges and lays down on the mat momentarily…before losing his temper, then getting jumped by both Dudleyz at the same time. Undertaker leads the brawl to the floor, looking to divide and conquer his opponents and doing a number on D-Von’s arm. Heyman chastises him and pours more cement into Paul Bearer’s crypt. It comes up to his chest as Bearer defiantly proclaims that Undertaker will save him. The Phenom marches up the aisle…prompting Heyman to tip yet more cement into the crypt. Even Bubba Ray isn’t happy to watch a murder in the middle of his match, so agrees to ‘train the big dog’ instead. Sadly for us, ‘training the big dog’ consists of Taker lethargically and half-heartedly selling the Dudleyz usual cut and paste routine that they’ve been doing for years. They kill a few minutes in house show mode before the Deadman shakes everything they did off with an air of inevitability and commences a rather bland comeback sequence. D-Von blocks the Tombstone with a low blow then joins his brother for 3D-II. Heyman holds up the urn to distract Taker but has to watch in terror as the Tombstone finishes D-Von at 14:42
Rating - * - I don’t actually have a problem with the ‘Concrete Crypt’ gimmick. I know some people found it tasteless, but personally I found it somewhat amusing and very obviously over-the-top comic book violence. Anybody could see from watching the show that we had stunt doubles, pre-shot scenes with the actual Paul Bearer, Heyman wearing a huge earpiece to direct him etc. It was evidently a well-choreographed live stunt – and actually, the most interesting parts of this match came when they interacted with Heyman and the crypt. My issue with this match was that the actual wrestling sucked a dick. With the reasoning that nobody would remember the match anyway thanks to the ridiculous stipulation, all three guys found the biggest, oldest, most 80’s-looking handset they could find to phone their performances in with. An extremely flat way to end a hugely inconsistent show
A furious Paul E makes a move to bury Bearer in the Concrete Crypt, but is knocked off his feet by a lightning bolt. Bearer smiles with delight as the Phenom saves him…but his jaw drops as Underaker tells him to ‘Rest In Peace’. Undertaker pulls the lever himself, and leaves as cement fills the crypt. The show ends as concrete completely buries Paul Bearer.
Tape Rating - ** - Here is the paradox of reviewing old pay-per-views on the WWE Network. Back in 2004, if you’d paid full price for this show you would rightfully feel pretty ripped off. But for 9.99 a month, this show is actually worth your time checking out. Of course you don’t need to sit through significant amounts of crap (three DUD’s in a row in the middle of the show), but in Rey/Chavo, Eddie/JBL and the love-it-or-hate-it Paul Bearer concrete murder scene there are elements of this event which were really enjoyable. I don’t think Chavo Guerrero and Rey Mysterio get anywhere near enough credit for their two pay-per-view matches thus far in 2004, and if you’ve never seen the Eddie/JBL matches before you should do yourself a favour and check out both Judgment Day and this one – they really are classically enjoyable, old-school, utterly wild brawls. Mild recommendation for WWE Network users…with the addendum that had I reviewed this as a live show my Tape Rating would probably have been lower.
Top 3 Matches
3) John Cena vs Rob Van Dam vs Rene Dupree vs Booker T (**)
2) Eddie Guerrero vs John Bradshaw Layfield (****)
1) Rey Mysterio vs Chavo Guerrero (****)