World Wrestling Entertainment – No Mercy 2003 – 19th October 2003
After a forgettable Summerslam and an indifferent Unforgiven, can the Smackdown team be the ones to pick the WWE out of it’s pay-per-view slump of 2003? Looking at the card, it’s really tough to tell what to expect from this. The main event renews 2002’s feud between Undertaker and Brock Lesnar, this time with Lesnar defending the belt in a ‘Biker Chain Match’. The stipulation sounds bogus, their match at Unforgiven 2002 was a massive letdown…but there’s still the chance they could recreate the vicious, brutal and violent magic they gave us inside the Cell at No Mercy 2002. Elsewhere Kurt Angle faces John Cena in a match which could rock, or could suck hard – since Cena was still majorly inconsistent at this point. Chris Benoit faces A-Train in a match that, if it took place in a New Japan ring you’d be really looking forward to, but in the WWE you’re not so sure. Can Eddie Guerrero drag a decent match out of Big Show like Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar were doing in 2002? Will Tajiri and Rey Mysterio get enough time to produce something good in their scheduled Cruiserweight Title bout? And what the hell is going on with the Father vs Daughter I Quit Match between Vince and Stephanie? I’m not sure I’ve ever come into a review quite so uncertain as to what I’m going to see. Michael Cole and Tazz are the Smackdown announce team, set up at the booth in Baltimore, MD.
Tajiri vs Rey Mysterio – WWE Cruiserweight Title Match
If you’re wondering why Tajiri gets no reaction from the crowd, you can blame the WWE’s clueless creative. He started the summer teaming with Eddie Guerrero, and when that team split they were SO determined to push Eddie as a heel, even though crowds absolutely loved him, that many fans rebelled against the de facto ‘babyface’ in their separation – Tajiri. Hence by this point people really don’t give two hoots about him, regardless of his heel/face alignment. You’re supposed to boo him for blinding Nidia with Black Mist. But then again, Noble and Nidia were hardly established babyfaces either. Thankfully Rey Mysterio is far more popular.
The ref wants to check Tajiri’s mouth for Mist ingredients which is a nice touch. Immediately the champ tries to drill the masked challenger with a kick, only for Rey to dodge it. Mysterio goes right after the legs to neutralise the kicking prowess. In response Tajiri starts pounding on him with forearms and elbows instead. Handspring Elbow countered with a dropkick to the back knocks Tajiri to the floor, with barely any time to regain his senses before Rey is diving at him with a pescado. As Tazz has pointed out though, Tajiri is an experienced wrestler and grappler – and he quickly devises a strategy to put Rey off his game. He starts violently attacking the arm, stretching it over the ropes, ramming it into the ringpost then wrenching it with an assortment of arm submissions. Rey escapes with an armdrag, then immediately starts selling his arm and ducks his head into a couple of ferocious kicks for 2. Avalanche divorce court blocked into a tornado DDT…but again it uses Rey’s arm and leaves both competitors on the ground. More kicks to the leg from Mysterio, and as Tajiri hobbles he flies at him with as many pinning combinations as he can muster. Slingshot prawn-hold knocks the Japanese competitor to the floor…for a FLYING HEADSCISSORS OFF THE APRON! Springboard senton misses…only for Rey to go straight into the 619 to the ribs! WEST COAST POP COUNTERED WITH A SNAP POWERBOMB FOR 2! Tajiri leapfrogs Rey…who lands on the top rope into a MOONSAULT PRESS! Kick to the shoulder by Tajiri, followed by the Tarantula to crank on the shoulders once more. Buzzsaw Kick ducked! 619! WEST COAST POP! Two Asian guys in suits and sunglasses try to invade the ring – causing a distraction just as Mysterio had the match won. Tajiri capitalises to hit the Buzzsaw Kick and retains the title at 11:40
Rating - *** - Despite Rey’s inconsistent arm selling and that rather annoying finish (if you’re interested, it was Jimmy Yang and Keiji Sakoda working a Yakuza henchmen style gimmick) this was a hell of an opener. They started slow, told some neat little stories then built to a blistering conclusion. Some of the spots Mysterio threw around here were just phenomenal and an amazing reminder of what a talent he was before years of injuries on the WWE grind (amongst other problems) took their toll on his body. Tajiri has always been underrated as a worker too, and he did a great job playing the aggressive, hard-striking, heelish base for Rey to build the match around.
Josh Matthews (who looks ridiculous) asks Vince how he’s feeling ahead of his match with his own daughter. Mr McMahon says that anyone who interferes in the I Quit Match will be fired.
A-Train vs Chris Benoit
The experiment with A-Train was already going off the (conveniently metaphorical) rails by this point. Nobody really cared about him as Vince’s paid henchman, and nobody even bought him as a remote threat to Undertaker at Summerslam. In a last ditch attempt to get him over, he gets stuck with Smackdown’s workhorse – Chris Benoit. The hope here is that Train will deliver a commendable in-ring performance that the fans will take notice of. Plus Benoit will do a hell of a lot more to put Albert over than Taker did in August…
We’re twenty minutes into this show and Michael Cole has already mentioned that they are ‘live in the UK on Sky Sports’ at least three or four times. Train tries to intimidate the Wolverine by screaming in his face then repeatedly tossing him out of the ring. He also blocks ALL of Benoit’s signature offensive moves – the Crossface, the German suplex and the chop – in a matter of seconds to make a real statement. Despite his best efforts the Crippler is totally dominated in the first five minutes. Tazz and Cole point out that Albert is making a point of repeatedly smacking Benoit in his surgically repaired neck. BUTTERFLY FACEBUSTER nailed by the big man, and the camera instantly zooms in on Chris who is bleeding heavily from the mouth. Even when A-Train makes a mistake (arguing with the ref), he has more than enough in the tank to hammer Benoit back to the canvas. Surfboard applied with the knee right in the neck. Benoit escapes by hitting a DDT but executing the move took as much out of him as it did out of his hairy opponent. GERMAN SUPLEX ON BENOIT! As the Wolverine crawls for cover Albert drills his back and neck into the guardrails to do yet more damage. He goes for a steel chair…AND DROPS BENOIT FACE AND NECK FIRST ON IT! An obvious botch, but at least it played into the story of the match. Amazingly Benoit fights back and locks in a desperate Crossface. Train stands up…so Benoit busts out the Germans! Flying Wolverine blocked with a press slam off the top though. Baldo Bomb gets 2…before Albert accidentally puts his boot through the same steel chair he tried to use. ODE TO STU HART SHARPSHOOTER! BENOIT WINS! It’s over at 12:19
Rating - *** - Having read a few reviews of this show, I’ve seen this one get a mixed response. Some people loved the physicality of it, whilst others felt the one-sided demolition of Benoit and obvious steel chair botch really hurt things. Personally I wound up thinking this was a pretty solid match that accomplished quite a few things. By putting Benoit over here, creative were already admitting that their experiment with A-Train was over. However, it has to be said that Benoit made him look more like a bad ass, and more like a killer than anyone else on the roster had to this point. The first half of the match wasn’t always pretty, but Benoit was busting his ass to make Train look good. He was bloodied up, I bet his bad neck ached like hell afterwards – but Albert looked like a threat. And likewise it made the second half of the match a tremendously exciting pay-off. The crowd had stayed with them, and when Benoit started making his comeback they really came alive. They were on their feet for the Crossface, roared their approval for the Germans, and went wild for the poignant Sharpshooter finish just days after the death of Hart family patriarch (and one of Benoit’s trainers) Stu Hart. This was unlike almost anything else you’ll have seen on a WWE ppv all year, and I enjoyed it.
Replays are shown of the botched press slam/chair spot, and with every different angle they show it looks worse and worse. Benoit was lucky to survive this
Matt Hardy patrols the corridors and is alarmed to find Heidenreich throttling his MF-er Shannon Moore. Matt denies that he and Shannon had anything to do with losing Heidenreich’s try-out tape. This went over my head.
Zach Gowen vs Matt Hardy
During the episode of Heat before Summerslam Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore had some fun at Zach’s expense. It led to the Sensei of Mattitude gaining a rather callous forfeit victory over Gowen, and kick-started an issue which has rumbled all the way to this pay-per-view. How much different would Matt’s career be now if he’d have gotten A-Train’s push in 2002 like he was supposed to…
Hardy, who’s body shape is completely different to how he looks in 2014, has trouble keeping the plucky underdog on the mat for any significant period of time. Gowen even gets an early nearfall with a springboard blockbuster…before Shannon Moore trips him as he lines up an Asai Moonsault. Matt controls proceedings with plenty of basic offence…and it’s only when he steps things up by attempting a moonsault that Gowen has a comeback opportunity. A dropkick, followed by the springboard somersault plancha to the floor bring Zach right back into things! Unfortunately he then hops right into the Side Effect. Moonsault by Gowen…and he wins! It’s over at 05:32
Rating - * - By this point the novelty of Zach’s act was wearing thin. As always, I try not to diminish or belittle quite how hard Gowen has had to work just to make a career for himself as a wrestler, but there wasn’t much use left for him at this point. His initial run with Vince and Hogan was done. He’d been used in a major storyline to get Brock Lesnar over before Summerslam, and this feud with Hardy showed that people just weren’t that interested in seeing him in a ‘regular’ midcard feud. Putting him over Matt was a big mistake here, albeit one that pales into insignificance when compared to a lot of mistakes WWE made when booking the Mattitude/Matt Hardy gimmick. As a match this was basic, and uninteresting. In truth not a lot of people popped for Zach’s big win either…
SIDENOTE – This would be Gowen’s last WWE ppv appearance. He suffered an injury and would be written off television before the end of 2003. Rumour has it (and Zach himself has admitted this in a number of interviews over the years) that his attitude behind the curtain left a lot to be desired too, and he was quietly released in early 2004. One can’t help but admire his persistence and desire though, and he continued his career on the independents for many years afterwards…
Linda McMahon marches into Vince’s office/locker room to beg him to call off the match. Vince refuses, but he does offer his wife a concession. He concedes that, despite the ‘I Quit’ stipulations, Steph can beat him by pinfall. However, he’s also making it ‘No Holds Barred’ – not that it matters since I Quit Matches tend not to have many rules anyways…
Acolytes vs Basham Brothers
How were Faarooq and Bradshaw still teaming at this point? They were stale by the end of 2000! Their reunion and switch to the Smackdown brand didn’t do much to impact their career trajectory and they are now stuck in a feud with the newly-promoted-from-developmental Basham Bros. In developmental Danny and Doug Basham had been generating some buzz, but were struggling to get over on the main roster, so the idea here is to capitalise on the enduring popularity of the APA to get the new heels over. Maybe that would be more successful if the Basham’s gimmick wasn’t that they were fetishist weirdos, managed by Linda ‘my name is too white so they called me Shaniqua’ Miles.
Clips of Bradshaw very obviously stiffing Shaniqua with the Clothesline From Hell on Smackdown are shown. He starts by being equally stiff with Doug Basham, before tagging Faarooq in to easily beat up both their opponents. Double spinebuster on Danny gets 2. Danny then botches a jawbreaker horribly (Faarooq can audibly he heard yelling ‘what the f*ck boy?’)…as Bradshaw wiles away his time roughing up Doug up on the outside. Dominator blocked into a double back suplex by Team Fetish to ensure they don’t suffer an embarrassing early loss. More basic errors from the Bashams as they hit another double suplex on Faarooq, then BOTH roll out of the ring like idiots leaving nobody inside as the legal man. They then take turns working chinlocks since that’s possibly the only move they can execute without cocking anything up. Faarooq spinebusters past Danny in the end, and tags JBL so he can take more liberties with two guys he clearly doesn’t feel belong in the ring with him. Clothesline From Hell ducked…but the fallaway slam isn’t. Avalanche fallaway slam for Doug next, before Danny makes a rather ugly save. The ref is bumped…and Shaniqua runs in wearing some of Chyna’s old gear. She cracks Bradshaw with a pipe, handing the Bashams the win at a LONG 08:53
Rating - DUD - This was terrible from every conceivable perspective. Creatively it’s an absolute turd in the first place. Nobody really cared about the APA wrestling, and hadn’t for at least a couple of years by this point. The Basham/Shaniqua gimmick was embarrassingly bad too, meaning you essentially had two teams in the ring that nobody wanted to see wrestle. Next you had Bradshaw being an absolute ass, doing little more than bullying two up and coming talents. Most of his offence consisted of him very obviously smacking his opponents across the back and chest as hard as he possibly could. Couple that with the fact that Ron Simmons had been on the decline as a worker for more than five years, and the Bashams being brutally green and you had an absolute mess. I’m on record as really disliking the Acolytes, but one couldn’t help but feel some sympathy for them as they tried to drag their greenhorn opponents through this stumbling mess without making complete fools of themselves. Between the Bashams and Heidenreich, some seriously poor talent had started infiltrating the previously strong Smackdown roster by this point. And that’s before Mordecai made it to TV…
SIDENOTE – Shaniqua has returned…after the most obvious ‘time off for a boob job’ absence you’ll ever see. They even run a ridiculous promo skit where she says it’s ‘swelling’ from the Clothesline From Hell. She’s off to ‘whip it good’ with the Bashams. I’m actually embarrassed for her…
KEYS TO VICTORY – The announcers discuss the respective strengths of the champion and challenger in the WWE Title Biker Chain Match main event. The key is to ‘get the chain’. Thanks…
Stephanie McMahon vs Vince McMahon – I Quit Match
Sometime over the summer Mr McMahon decided he was fed up of the job Stephanie was doing as Smackdown General Manager. With the manipulative Sable by his side, he set about trying to force her out. She refused to quit, even after being assaulted by the likes of A-Train and Brock Lesnar – so Vince decided to take matters into his own hands. If he wins tonight, Stephanie has to quit as Smackdown GM, but if he loses he will resign from his position as WWE Chairman and retire. As we saw earlier, he’s also tossed in the added concession that Stephanie can actually pin him even though this is an I Quit Match. The feud for this was surprisingly compelling viewing, but it’s hard to see how the hell this is going to be anything but a disaster of a match.
Linda accompanies Stephanie to the ring, whilst Sable is in Vince’s corner. Like an absolute bastard Vince even jumps Steph from behind to get the match started. He’s far too strong for his daughter and repeatedly drives her into the mat during the opening exchanges. Every move Vince makes is punctuated by a look or a taunt in Linda’s direction too. Even Sable looks a little uncomfortable with it, though it doesn’t stop her slapping Steph in the mouth. Half crab applied, forcing Stephanie to scream in pain…though she still loudly refuses to quit. She’s barely able to squirm away before her father is on her again with a surfboard, then a choke too. Sable tries to hand Vince a lead pipe…only to be hauled off the apron by Linda, who gives her husband a slap for good measure. Lead pipe to the balls from Stephanie! GETS 2! Vince begs for mercy (wrong ppv fella) as Stephanie DESTROYS him with the pipe. Sable and Stephanie get into it…before Mrs Helmsley turns round and hits a bulldog for another close nearfall. Vince has had enough and swats her away as she goes for one more shot with the pipe. Not satisfied, he then cracks poor Steph in the ribs with the weapon. He chokes her with it as the crowd absolutely hate on him. Linda begs her daughter to quit…and throws the towel in for her at 09:23
Rating - N/A - I can’t rate this as a match because it wouldn’t be fair to actual wrestlers. But as a piece of drama and entertainment, despite it’s questionable moral values, this was undeniably compelling viewing from start to finish. A lot of the credit goes to Stephanie McMahon for that. For so much of her career she’d been a heel, and an extremely effective one at that. But her acting skills were such that she became the heart and soul of this match (and feud). Her sympathetic, courageous and admirable performance in the face of persecution and violence from her father was the bedrock this whole deal was built upon – and the absolute fury of the crowd in the dying moments as Vince throttled her should tell you how damn well she did her job. Nobody is pretending this was a great match, or even a particularly great angle. But having decided to run with it, I really feel that Stephanie deserves a lot of credit. There are a LOT of wrestlers out there who could learn a thing or two from her commitment to the role and her acting chops to pull it off.
Mr McMahon decides to bully Linda for cheap kicks, then makes out with Sable to rub her nose in it.
SIDENOTE – Stephanie wouldn’t reappear on television for two years after this. The whole angle was booked to write her out ahead of her forthcoming marriage to HHH. It wouldn’t be until 2008 that she actually became anything like a full-time on-air talent again. I’m sure I read somewhere that Linda really hated this angle, and wasn’t thrilled that Stephanie was wrestling matches less than a week before her wedding.
John Cena vs Kurt Angle
From an angle completely over-the-top, and firmly rooted in ‘sports entertainment’, to one which is an incredibly basic pro-wrestling staple. John Cena is the up and coming young lion. He’s aggravated at his apparent lack of opportunity on the Smackdown brand, and frustrated that he can’t get a regular spot on pay-per-view. To make an impact he is stepping up to one of the most talented and respected wrestlers on the Smackdown roster in Kurt Angle. Kurt, obviously unwilling to relinquish his spot to Cena at this time, firmly stood his ground. The two engaged in a series of entertaining and increasingly personal skits, ranging from rap battles to midget impersonations to straight-up brawls. Will it be the fire, determination and tenacity of the new pretender, or will Kurt’s experience and wrestling skill put Cena firmly back in his place?
Cena compares himself to a ‘prostitute with herpes’ which I find rather odd. Despite being threatened with STD’s, Angle wastes no time taking the match to the ground where he absolutely schools John. It takes almost four minutes for Cena to make it more of a brawl, where he stands a far greater chance of success than trying to mat wrestle with an Olympic Gold Medallist. Kurt’s response is to dial up the intensity, and almost give him internal injuries with a high velocity shoulder block to the ribs. He tries it a second time, only for Cena to show some street smarts and bail – sending Angle shoulder-first into the ringpost. With the arm hurting John then cranks onto Angle’s bad neck with a neckbreaker for 2. Cena starts working the shoulders and neck with an assortment of basic mat submissions. We also pick up that Kurt is bleeding from the mouth just like Benoit was earlier. The success of his strategy is emphatically demonstrated moments later as he is able to grapple Kurt into a big spinebuster. He then BLOCKS the rope run belly to belly…but then dives off the top rope right into a DROPKICK TO THE LEG by Kurt! Was that intentional? That’s insane precision from Kurt if so. He stays on the leg and drop toeholds John right into the Anklelock, though he’s way too close to the ropes to force a submission there. Cena hangs Kurt’s neck on the ropes…but then heads through them for a DDT ON THE APRON! Kurt barely beats the count…and when he ducks his head back through the ropes Cena is waiting on the top for a flying leg drop TO THE NECK! He then starts pounding on the neck to block rolling Germans from Kurt, before flipping into a Throwback (standing blockbuster) for another nearfall. ROLLING GERMANS! But they take so much out of Kurt’s neck that he can’t bridge for a pin and can barely stand after executing them. Cena knees and stomps at the neck then scoops him up for a BUCKLE BOMB! F-U NAILED! Angle kicks out! A second F-U gets COUNTERED TO THE ANGLE SLAM! A desperate Cena grabs his chain looking for a cheap victory but gets caught by the referee…so he picks Angle’s medals up and knocks him out with those instead! And still Kurt kicks out. F-U blocked…Angle Slam blocked…VICTORY ROLL INTO THE ANKLELOCK! WITH THE LEG GRAPEVINE! CENA TAPS! Angle gets the win at 18:28
Rating - **** - The parallels between the careers of Randy Orton and John Cena (at this stage the ‘next generation’ of WWE main event talent) are really remarkable. Just one month after Raw’s Randy Orton delivered his first outstanding, break-out match against Shawn Michaels – Smackdown’s John Cena does exactly the same thing with Kurt Angle. Just like Orton/HBK this wasn’t perfect. Just like Orton/HBK this had some selling issues, and was largely carried by an outstanding performance from the veteran. But just like Orton/HBK, this one showed that Cena was ‘carryable’, and he gamely held up his end of the deal to produce a show-stealing match. I actually preferred this one to the Unforgiven match largely based on the fact that I found Cena’s heat segment on Kurt way more interesting than Randy’s on Shawn. The way he worked the neck, breaking out new moves as well as utilising his existing moveset, was particularly engaging. The crowd were into this too, and were as loud as they’ve been for the entire show down the closing straight as they did the classic Kurt Angle counter-everything climactic sequence. Credit to both guys – Kurt for delivering a superb veteran performance (despite only being four years into the business himself), and Cena for producing a hugely significant match in his development and evolution into the main event mainstay we know today.
A trailer for WrestleMania 20 airs, talking about wrestlers growing old and wanting to leave a legacy behind. In a desperately tragic twist of fate they show shots of Eddie Guerrero against a narrative line of ‘one day we will die’. Sometimes the way things work out can be so heartbreaking…
SIDENOTE – Between the Baltimore Ravens and the large number of United States military given seats in the front row, I’m wondering if anyone actually paid for a front row seat at this event.
Eddie Guerrero vs Big Show – WWE United States Title Match
Although he has now held the belt for several months since winning the US Title tournament at Vengeace, this will surely the biggest test of Eddie Guerrero’s reign. Eddie can be a great wrestler, and a devious strategist but even he must know he is in trouble when coming up against a big, angry giant in the Big Show. Guerrero continually humiliated Show (including hosing him down with sewage), but got some comeuppance at the go-home Smackdown when Big Show destroyed his truck then Chokeslammed him onto the roof. Will Show’s ultimate revenge come in the form of taking his belt?
Guerrero is all business tonight, entering the arena without a car and covered in bruises and cuts. He tries to get the jump on Show but simply can’t inflict enough damage and soon succumbs to the inevitable barrage of slow motion strikes from his giant opponent. Big Show starts targeting Eddie’s bad back and clubs him directly across all the bruises, lacerations and bandaging. In the end Eddie distracts the ref by throwing a chair…and whilst he retrieves it waffles Show with a trash can lid instead. The effect is minimal though, and Show is soon back in charge by tossing him back-first into the ringpost. Camel clutch applied next, which looks absolutely BRUTAL when applied by someone the size of Big Show. Next he whips the champ into an exposed turnbuckle bolt causing him to collapse to the canvas grabbing his back and writhing in pain. STANDING FROG SPLASH by Eddie out of sheer desperation…only for Show to kick out so hard he actually tosses Guerrero into the referee. An accidental leg drop from Show officially knocks out Nick Patrick, and Eddie capitalises by knocking the challenger out with brass knucks. Still just 2 though! Next he socks Show with the belt then climbs the ropes for the FROG SPLASH! The crowd are audibly disappointed when that’s not the finish. Big Show explodes up with a spinebuster, followed by the Chokeslam. This time it’s Eddie’s turn to barely escape defeat. He kicks Show in the balls and drops him with a DDT…which hurts his own back as much as it does his opponent. One more Chokeslam polishes Eddie off, and Show wins at 11:26
Rating - *** - I’ve never really enjoyed watching Big Show, so even though this wasn’t incredible I genuinely consider it one of my favourite ever Big Show singles matches. Of course Eddie was the star of the show as he danced through an entertaining little game of cat and mouse, complete with his usual hilarious assortment of cheats and tricks. But Show’s performance here deserves to be commended too. His assault on Eddie’s back was vicious, brutal and thoroughly believable. He wasn’t just plodding through his spots like he normally does. He was visibly making a real effort to contribute. Of course, the US Title became a pointless prop with him (it was basically forgotten by the time he dropped it to Cena at WrestleMania) but on this night both men worked together to produce the best match they could given Show’s extreme limitations.
Chavo Guerrero enters the ring trying to console Eddie. What follows is an awkward stand off as Eddie angrily shoves him away whilst Chavo tries to get him focused the Tag Titles that they currently hold.
Meanwhile Big Show gives Josh Matthews a triumphant interview backstage.
Brock Lesnar vs Undertaker – WWE Title Biker Chain Match
The rules are actually pretty simple in that it’s basically a ‘Chain On A Pole Match’. You can work out for yourself whether that really favours the Undertaker at all, considering this is supposed to be ‘his’ stipulation. These two have a feud dating back to last year, but it reignited when Lesnar joined forces with Vince McMahon to screw Kurt Angle out of the WWE Title. Taker stepped forward as his first challenger, and in an instant the simmering heat between the two boiled over once again. We’ve seen repeated table bumps, chain attacks, assaults, brawls and more. Last year Brock survived Hell In A Cell with the Deadman. Can he survive with the belt around his waist again tonight?
Brock foolishly tries to meet Undertaker in a striking exchange and gets smacked back…so soon adopts his game to try and work some amateur holds. Taker drives the shoulder into the ringpost (and pole)…and stays on the arm with the Old School then a hammerlock Magistral cradle. They go to the outside where the champ hits back with a barrage of body shots and a whip into the steps. The challenger is wounded, and takes another rough ride moments later after Lesnar tackles him off the apron into the barricade. Realising he is in trouble Undertaker goes after the chain…and as he looks to grab it the arena lights go out preventing him from getting it. Brock has recovered by the time they come back on and he drives Taker down onto his hurting midsection again with a powerslam. He then drop toeholds him ribs-first over the steps. Amazingly, Undertaker completely no sells that to LARIAT Lesnar straight over the top rope. PILEDRIVER ON THE STEPS! That looked horrific! Brock recovers in time to stop Taker getting the chain again…only to get throttled in the ropes with a HANGING triangle choke. Still suffering the effects of the piledriver, the desperate champion has no other option than to hit Undertaker with a low blow. He tries to belt the Deadman with the steps next, but gets them kicked into his face! Back to the ribs goes Lesnar, but as he reaches for the chain Undertaker stands up. Last Ride blocked and both men go down in the middle of the ring! Snake Eyes snaps Brock’s neck again, but he counters the Chokeslam and drops him on the bad ribs again with a spinebuster. Taker breaks out an early version of Hell’s Gate, and floats easily into a dragon sleeper when that is escaped. COUNTERED TO THE F-5! Brock is too injured to cover right away though which probably saves the American Badass. Lesnar makes a move for the chain, only for Undertaker to CHOKESLAM HIM OFF THE TOP ROPE! The FBI then run in to stop him getting the chain. They, presumably, have been paid off by Vince as well. Taker fights them off with ease, then delivers a BRUTAL Last Ride. RUNNING SUICIDE DIVE wipes out Johnny Stamboli and Chuck Palumbo! He then punches Nunzio off the top rope to finally grab the ‘Biker Chain’. Unfortunately Vince himself then comes through the crowd to crotch him on the top rope. Brock picks the chain up for himself and hits a devastating running punch to the head. Lesnar retains at 24:17
Rating - *** - The actual WRESTLING portion of this match was some of the best stuff they’ve done together. The basic body work they incorporated, with Taker working Brock’s neck and Lesnar going after the ribs was fantastic to watch. Brock, at this stage, was far better than he was back in 2002 which really showed. Unfortunately the ‘chain on a pole’ stipulation was pretty stupid, and didn’t contribute to what they were doing in any meaningful way. This would have been much better suited to being a standard wrestling match, a No DQ Match or something else more simple. Obviously I don’t like the finish either, though it’s hardly surprising considering Undertaker hardly ever jobs cleanly and they were building to Undertaker/Vince at Survivor Series. If you can ignore the crappy finish and stupid chain stuff though, this was good. FAR better than Unforgiven 2002.
Tape Rating - *** - You may not have read particularly great things about this show, but for my money this was the best WWE ppv in months (since the last Smackdown ppv ironically). Not everything was good (the Bashams didn’t even belong on TV at this point for instance), the main event didn’t quite reach the levels of the Lesnar/Taker Hell In A Cell, and nothing is must-see amazing…but lots of stuff over-delivered on what you might expect and it was generally a pretty solid show. Benoit/A-Train and Guerrero/Show were miles better than I’d predicted given how lousy Albert and Big Show were at this point. The Cruiserweight Title got a decent time allowance and really kicked the show off with a bang. The Vince/Stephanie match was a remarkable achievement in story-telling, sports entertainment and drama even if it sucked from a pure wrestling perspective. Despite a predictably terrible finish and retarded stipulations, Brock and Undertaker actually had a really strong wrestling match in the main event too. Ultimately what sold me on this show was Angle/Cena though. They tore the roof of the place with a super little straight-up wrestling match. Kurt was quite amazing by this point and was defying a growing catalogue of injuries to produce stellar matches against everyone he was put in the ring with. He helped the young Cena to the first really strong match of his WWE career, and it’s well worth checking out on the WWE Network even if you skip the rest.
Top 3 Matches
3) Tajiri vs Rey Mysterio (***)
2) Brock Lesnar vs Undertaker (***)
1) Kurt Angle vs John Cena (****)