World Wrestling Entertainment – Summerslam 2003 – 24th August 2003
After spending the last couple of months launching the first ever brand-exclusive pay-per-views (with decidedly mixed success) both Raw and Smackdown now come back together for the WWE’s traditional summer blockbuster event. The card looks pretty weak on paper but there are, at least, two strong main events for the top championships of each brand. Brock Lesnar and Kurt Angle meet in a WrestleMania rematch, with Lesnar looking to regain the WWE Title that he lost to Kurt last month at Vengeance. On the Raw Triple H returns to the Elimination Chamber, flanked by Evolution stable-mate Randy Orton, with Chris Jericho, Kevin Nash, Shawn Michaels and Bill Goldberg all gunning for the World Championship. The rest of the show is pretty uninspiring. Smackdown’s entire US Title scene is crammed into one match as Eddie Guerrero, Chris Benoit, Rhyno and Tajiri meet in a fatal fourway. Fresh from his surprisingly enjoyable feud and match with John Cena at Vengeance Undertaker looks to help more up and coming talent out as he battles A-Train in a match which you can tell is going to suck from a thousand miles away. Elsewhere we’ve got ‘grudge matches’ a-plenty as Shane McMahon faces Eric Bischoff then former partners Kane and Rob Van Dam clash in a No Holds Barred encounter. Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole and Tazz are in Phoenix, AZ.
Lillian Garcia opens up with the United States national anthem and knocks it out of the park as usual. Meanwhile the opening video package would be a lot more effective if it wasn’t narrated by what sounds like an Irish pirate.
La Resistance vs Dudley Boyz – World Tag Title Match
The experiment with the Dudleyz as heels appears to be over again. They are the next in line in attempting to dethrone the rising young stars in La Resistance. Grenier and Dupree have continued to hold off all challengers for their World Tag belts, whilst rubbing plenty of audiences and wrestlers the wrong way as they extol their French (Canadian) virtues. Can they fend off the challenge of one of the most decorated tag teams of all time tonight? This is right after La Res had added Rob Conway as a third member of their act.
The champions don’t even get to take off their ugly, sequinned ring jackets before the assault from the Dudleyz commences. Bubba stands on Sylvain’s nutsack as the challengers continue to walk a fine line with disqualification. Dupree eventually retaliates with a back suplex before he and his partner work on isolating Bubba Ray. That lasts a couple of forgettable minutes before he lands the Bubba Bomb and tags out to D-Von. Bonsoir gets 2 for La Res only for the D-Von to fly into Grenier’s balls with the Wassup Headbutt. 3-D on Rene gets 2…then a camera man sneaks into the ring and levels both Dudleyz with a camera. It’s Rob Conway obviously. La Resistance retain at 07:45
Rating - * - As soon as this match finishes you’ll have forgotten about it, but for its spot on the card it was sort-of-okay. The Dudley Boyz got plenty of flag-waving, hand-clapping, pro-USA support, La Res were over with plenty of cheap heel heat. There was no real need for them to push the boat out or try anything outlandish whilst the audience were lapping up the most basic of formulaic tag work.
A smirking Coach asks the Dudleyz if they thought La Res’ tactics were ‘clever’. Bubba says ‘people who don’t like America’ suck.
Christian approaches Eric Bischoff to ask why he isn’t booked on the show, since he’s the IC Champ. Eric says it was all Steve Austin’s fault – and proudly says he’s going to spill the beans on what happened between himself and Linda McMahon…
Undertaker vs A-Train
Behind the scenes plenty of people thought Albert had tons of potential. That’s why he’s been pushed, re-branded, then pushed again more times than you can count. Apparently Taker even asked to work with him on pay-per-view. To be fair, his post-WWE career in NJPW suggests they were actually right about it too. But it’s simply never worked out for him inside a WWE ring. Here in this latest run he is Vince McMahon’s hired gun. Vince paid Train to mow down Stephanie, putting her on the shelf with internal injuries, last month at Vengeance. Now Vince is targeting the Undertaker, and using A-Train to do so. Train cost Taker in his big rematch against John Cena (on TV obviously – as if Taker would put a rookie over on ppv), then continued to target the ribs Cena injured during their Vengeance match. The situation now is that Undertaker wants revenge, whilst Vince wants Albert to put the Deadman out of action permanently.
Sable, showing relatively little flesh by her standards, accompanies Albert to the ring. We start off with plenty of plodding strikes and tackles as you’d expect with two ‘hosses’ going at it. Undertaker uses his supposed speed advantage and hits a few moves, culminating in the Old School rope walk. It looks pretty, but does minimal damage and soon Train is back up and starting to assault the ribs. Whilst it isn’t the most exciting viewing, at least A-Train is consistent in his attack on that body part. The same can’t be said for Taker’s selling – as he easily lifts his huge opponent into an effortless Snake Eyes with no hint of rib pain. More of the same has he starts jumping around with leg drops and running clotheslines with complete ease. Last Ride countered to the Baldo Bomb for 2. The ref (Brian Hebner) takes a bigger bump than either of these two have taken in the entire match from an Undertaker lariat and misses Taker kicking a steel chair into Albert’s face. Chokeslam wins it for Taker at 09:19
Rating - * - After a surprisingly spirited attempt to get Cena over at Vengeance last month, Undertaker was back to his career-flattening best here. I haven’t gone DUD on the rating because A-Train really did try. He worked the ribs, he looked like a menacing, legitimate threat to his veteran opponent. There wasn’t a whole lot more he could do. Sadly for him his offence was made to look as threatening as melted butter as Taker easily shook it off and polished him off. Undertaker can do a good job putting people over. Albert can be a very good worker. Unfortunately we saw neither of those aspects of their respective abilities in this one.
Sable saves Train from the Last Ride…so Taker grabs her and holds her hostage for the returning Stephanie McMahon (who almost falls over her colossal breasts). The Smackdown GM gets a few shots in before Albert drags Sable to safety…
Eric Bischoff vs Shane McMahon
Shane to Raw furious that Bischoff had allowed Kane to assault Linda McMahon. To further get into Shane’s head, Eric went so far as to sexually assault Linda (seriously, watch the footage on Youtube if you can find it). The Raw Co-GM still resents Shane for buying and destroying WCW, whilst Shane-O is fighting to defend the honour of his mother.
Eric grabs a mic and confesses to raping Linda ‘again and again and again’. That brings Shane out to get the fight started. Despite his martial arts credentials and goofy karate outfit, Bischoff gets his ass kicked all over the arena for several minutes. Jonathan Coachman (of all people) pops up and starts attacking Shane with a chair, as Eric changes the rules to ‘Falls Count Anywhere’. He then orders the production guys to kill JR and King’s headsets so Coach can call the action from inside the ring as Bischoff wails away on McMahon. Coach’s JR impression is pretty funny in fairness. Steve Austin obviously doesn’t like any of this, to be confronted by a smirking Coach. Inevitably he is beaten senseless by Stone Cold (Shane gets a few shots in too)…who then gives Bischoff a Stunner for good measure. The match is over, but Shane pulls Eric’s shoulder up. To put the exclamation point on it he goes Summerslam ’99 on Eric with the FLYING ELBOW DROP THROUGH THE SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE! Shane wins at 10:36
Rating - * - Shane’s announce table elbow drop spot is always an amazing sight, and there were some moments of genuine comedy dotted around so I can’t justify a DUD for this…but it was certainly a bizarre match to sit through. The Coach's heel turn is one of the weirdest, most pointless angles I can ever remember WWE running. His cameos as Raw’s lead play-by-play guy over the course of 2003 had been appalling, and he should have been bumped back to Heat or released altogether, not getting involved in storylines. Meanwhile the whole Eric/Shane/Linda thing was so inexplicable. The Kane/Shane angle I understood, and I liked, but the thing with Bischoff doesn’t make sense. Either Linda didn’t consent, and Bischoff is strolling around WWE rings admitting to repeatedly raping a high ranking WWE executive, or Linda consented and therefore doesn’t NEED Shane to defend her honour making the whole storyline redundant anyway. So you’re left with a choice – either this storyline is tasteless in the absolute extreme, or so pointless it’s a massive waste of your time.
In the Evolution locker room, Ric Flair gives Randy Orton his orders for the evening. They are to make sure HHH leaves the Elimination Chamber with his World Title. Randy wants to know ‘what if’…but Ric and Hunter aren’t interested.
Eddie Guerrero vs Chris Benoit vs Tajiri vs Rhyno – WWE United States Title Match
Last month at Vengeance Benoit and Guerrero battled for more than twenty minutes in the finals of the US Title tournament, before Rhyno (Benoit’s old friend) interfered and cost the Wolverine the belt. Eddie happily profited and left as Champion, but now has to face four top contenders in one match. Benoit and Rhyno still have issues with each other obviously, and how will the Eddie and Tajiri interact with each other? They have held the Tag Titles together in the past. Since he knocked them all out with the belt on the lead-in Smackdown, it’s fair to say that nobody is Eddie’s biggest fan…
Guerrero has no interest in getting into the ring, so the feud between Benoit and Rhyno takes centre stage. Crippler Crossface applied…and then Eddie slides in for the first time. He breaks the hold before bailing again as Tajiri starts throwing kicks around. Rhyno is the first man to get his hands on the champion, driving a shoulder into his ribs then drilling him into the canvas with a running powerslam. Eddie recovers and suplexes Benoit out of the ring…and gets into the best exchange of the match so far with Tajiri. Rhyno hits a superplex on the champ for 2. Tajiri and Benoit are stiffing lumps out of each other on the other side of the ring meanwhile, before the Buzzsaw hits his handspring elbow spot. ROPE RUN flying headscissors from Guerrero to Benoit for 2! Lasso From El Paso on Tajiri…as Benoit puts Rhyno in the Crossface! The Radicalz eyeball each other as they race to get the first submission! Tajiri makes the ropes…so Guerrero absolutely NAILS Benoit with a dropkick to break the Crossface. CROSSFACE ON EDDIE! After all that intricate submission stuff Rhyno nearly wins the match with a brute force spinebuster on Tajiri. Rolling Germans by Benoit…BRIDGING German by Tajiri for 2! Tarantula applied…and as the ref tries to break he doesn’t see Eddie BLOCK the Gore with the US Title belt! Benoit tree of woe’s Tajiri then hits the FLYING WOLVERINE off his tangled legs to Rhyno for 2! POWERBOMB TO THE FLOOR ON TAJIRI! But Benoit fell out of the ring too, and Eddie sneaks in with the Frog Splash on Rhyno for the win at 10:50
Rating - *** - These four got screwed for time, there’s simply no other way of putting it. I’m really not sure what they were expected to do in less than eleven minutes here. To be fair, after a rather lifeless start this got REALLY good in the end with a number of innovative and very clever moments. However, they had been hyping this as a potential show-stealing match, so to give them so little to work with is a real shame. It’s a testament to how good these guys are that this didn’t become a mess.
Clips are shown of Brock Lesnar’s psychotic Smackdown assault on Zach Gowen. He busted him open with a succession of brutal chair shots, and ‘broke his leg in two places’…with Zach’s poor mother sitting in the front row witnessing the whole thing.
EARLIER TONIGHT – Matt Hardy calls Zach a novelty act and a disgrace to the business since in wrestling you’re supposed to suck it up and work hurt. He claims a forfeit victory over Gowen on Heat
Kurt Angle vs Brock Lesnar – WWE Title Match
When Kurt returned to the WWE, he proclaimed that he and Lesnar were now friends. Brock had been concerned about his neck after WrestleMania, and they earned each other’s respect during that epic battle. But, according to Brock, Angle stopped being his friend when he took the title from him last month at Vengeance. The furious dethroned champion sold out to Vince McMahon (who was seriously in pretty much every storyline going at this point), leading to a vicious steel cage assault on Angle. The new, heel Brock Lesnar seemed more destructive than ever. Brian ‘Spanky’ Kendrick and Zach Gowen were both put on the injured list after violent assaults, and with Vince supporting Lesnar – Kurt knows his WWE Championship could be in serious jeopardy tonight.
Referee Mike Chioda has been watching his ROH tapes and wants them to follow the Code Of Honor before the bell to much amusement. They go straight to the mat, where Brock’s strength is pitted against Kurt’s speed. Angle looks to have a slight edge when it comes to the amateur stuff and uses it to negate the destructive force of the challenger in the early going. When they are both on their feet it’s a different story, with Lesnar easily tossing his opponent around and smiling at him. Kurt’s speed continues to frustrate Brock though, eventually knocking him out of the ring into a massive temper tantrum on the outside. PRESS SLAM TO THE FLOOR BY BROCK! That’s the kind of power the challenger possesses and in seconds the pendulum has swung into his favour. He scrambles Angle’s brains against the steps and easily tosses him into suplexes. Once again the champ tries to use his speed…but this time he’s worn down and Brock is able to counter into a tilta-whirl backbreaker for 2. Now Brock is able to work the mat with his opponent, and he begins choking the life out of him – first with a sleeper hold then with a bodyscissors. The focus of his offence starts to become the midsection as well thus making it even harder for Angle to get his wind. Kurt is in trouble, and rattles off some desperation German suplexes. Angle Slam blocked with a spinebuster though, once again driving all the oxygen out of the champion’s body. F-5 COUNTERED WITH A MID-AIR DDT! Struggling to stand upright and gasping for air, Kurt frantically rises from the mat and hits the ANGLE SLAM! But he’s slow to cover and it only gets a 2-count. Anklelock locked in! He’s not done anywhere near enough damage to force a submission there…and as Lesnar rather easily fights out Mike Chioda gets knocked over. Brock goes for another spinebuster, but this time Kurt COUNTERS with an upside down headscissors choke…dropping Brock to his knees into another Anklelock! Lesnar taps this time, though there’s no official to see it. Vince McMahon (in a seriously ugly shirt) runs to the ring and nails Angle with a steel chair to leave them both down. ONE-LEGGED F-5 BY LESNAR! A combination of Brock selling the leg and a sluggish ref mean Kurt has enough time to kick out. Mr McMahon orders another F-5…but this time Kurt hooks the bad leg and locks in another Anklelock! BROCK TAPS OUT! Angle retains at 20:47
Rating - **** - The involvement of Vince and ref bumps somewhat forced my hand in rating this lower than WrestleMania, but this was still a hell of a match in it’s own right. Psychologically speaking it was a marvellous spectacle. Kurt, the more decorated amateur wrestler and the quicker of the two, seemed to have superiority on the canvas – and used it to evade and neutralise Brock’s sheer power. Eventually Lesnar found a way through that tactic, and spent the next few minutes out-muscling and systematically destroying the champion. The ribs and back were assaulted, and he did as much as possible to make it difficult for Kurt to catch his breath given the obvious stamina advantage he had. Just when all looked lost Angle managed to apply the Anklelock. Although it was only briefly at that point, it opened up the leg for the first time – and despite Vince’s best efforts, ultimately Kurt was able to do enough damage to negate Brock’s power and force the submission. It was a brilliant story, and the gulf in quality between this and anything else on the ppv so far is huge.
Vince chases Angle with a chair again…only for Kurt to grab it and open it up in the middle of the ring. ANGLE SLAM THROUGH AN OPEN CHAIR FOR VINCE! That is a brutal bump for a guy of his age to be taking…
Jamie Koeppe is shown in the crowd. She won the 2003 ‘Diva Search’ competition…and I don’t think she even made it to a televised debut
Kane vs Rob Van Dam – No Holds Barred Match
Admittedly de-masking him, and throwing out a lot of the ‘scarred in a house-fire’ mythology that had defined Kane’s career since his debut was a risky move. But actually, in many ways I think this 2003 run was the best of Kane’s career from a character-perspective. It revitalised his career, and once again fans viewed him as the deranged monster he’d been back in his early days. Rob Van Dam convinced him to take his mask off, and whilst it turned out that his scars were more psychological than physical, it set off a deranged chain of events. Kane, convinced people were laughing at him, destroyed RVD and ended their tag team. He tried to set fire to Jim Ross during a sit down interview (terrible segment, but I liked the point they wanted to make about Kane’s character) and he angrily turned on fans as well – proclaiming himself of being sick of them. He would be brought to buildings by cops in chains, he abducted Van Dam and threatened to burn him alive. It was edgy stuff, not everything worked, but people cared about what Kane was doing more than they had in years. After Katie Vick nearly destroyed his career, Kane was back. What his new, unmasked psychopath gimmick needs now is a strong first match on pay-per-view. Thankfully his old tag partner and perennial fan favourite RVD is here to do the bumping for him…
Rob tries to start quickly but is helpless as the monster clobbers him to the deck then throws him all the way out of the ring. MOONSAULT PRESS off the rails by Van Dam! Even that only momentarily halts the progress of the maniacal Big Red Machine…who drags a ladder out from under the ring. Rolling Thunder blocked…Chokeslam blocked…and they both fall backwards over the ropes to the floor again. Step-over heel kick nailed by RVD, followed by a springboard kick off the turnbuckles as he desperately tries to keep Kane at bay. In the end he takes one risk too many and gets shoved off the top rope into the steel steps on the floor below. Kane then rams the ladder into his face for good measure. To the top rope goes the monster…but he MISSES the flying clothesline to the floor and wipes out against the guardrails! Once again it’s momentary relief for Mr PPV though, and he is DDT’d into the ground moments later. But still Van Dam keeps coming, dragging his ass off the ground and nailing the corkscrew leg drop from apron to railings! Chair-enforced Rolling Thunder nailed as well. Only for Kane to SIT UP! CHAIR SURF DROPKICK! Kane is still moving! VAN TERMINATOR MISSES! TOMBSTONE ON THE STEPS! Kane wins 12:44
Rating - *** - Very much a low end 3* rating, but there was more good than bad here so I chose to be generous on the rating. It felt very disjointed, and on numerous occasions we’d see one of them hit a spot, both sit around for a while, then get up to do a different spot whilst paying no attention to what had gone before. Ultimately I liked the theme of RVD chucking everything he had at Kane (including the Van Terminator), only for the Big Red Machine to continually shake it off and keep coming at him. They probably didn’t need as long in the ring to achieve this, but on a pretty average night this was definitely one of the better matches.
Terri Runnels is screamed at by Eric Bischoff for trying to interview him as he is checked over by paramedics. Linda McMahon then walks in and gives him a slap. I guess the logic here is ‘she slapped him, so it’s ok he sexually assaulted her now’…
Elsewhere Ric Flair gives a pensive Triple H one last pre-match pep-talk.
Triple H vs Shawn Michaels vs Randy Orton vs Kevin Nash vs Chris Jericho vs Goldberg – World Heavyweight Title Elimination Chamber Match
A Metallica-powered pre-match video actually shows there is a lot of history between all six of these guys, so this could be intense. Chris Jericho hates Goldberg, has feuded with Shawn Michaels, has history going back years with HHH, and recently cut Kevin Nash’s hair off on television. Nash used to be friends with HHH but that fell apart, has plenty of history with Goldberg going back to WCW, and is no stranger to fighting Michaels either. As well as his beef with Jericho, HBK has had differences with Evolution for months, putting him at odds with both Orton and Flair (at ringside) before you even consider the fact that he defeated HHH to win the first Elimination Chamber last year. HHH, meanwhile, having survived the challenge of Nash in a Hell In A Cell at Bad Blood has been fighting tooth and nail to escape the advances of Bill Goldberg…and comes in with another serious quad injury meaning he has to wear special, long trunks, and is seriously struggling to walk. Will Randy Orton be enough to protect him from four other guys gunning firstly for each other, then for his World Title? This is very much the forgotten Elimination Chamber match, but it’s a real guilty pleasure of mine. My play-by-play below comes from my review of the WWE’s Chamber Match compilation DVD.
I forgot how much I disliked Motorhead’s Evolution theme. Jericho and Michaels will get us underway, which is a rematch of their Wrestlemania match from that year. HBK hits a springboard crossbody, but Jericho rolls through and gets a nearfall. Really nice mat wrestling exchange between those two, but large portions of the crowd no-sell that to chant ‘Goldberg’. Michaels counters the Walls Of Jericho to an inside cradle for 2. Lionsault misses, but Jericho lands on his feet. Entrants are clearly coming in every 3 minutes this time around, so after 3 minutes Orton comes in with a top rope crossbody. Chinlock backbreaker on Jericho for 2. Michaels blocks the RKO and watches Jericho back drops Randy onto the steel. Walls Of Jericho on Michaels…as Nash makes his way in. He hurls Orton into the chains then marches over to manhandle Y2J, busting him open against the chains. Sidewalk slam on Orton for 2. JR actually puts over the fact that Michaels and Nash are friends…as HBK hits the Superkick on him. Jericho eliminates Kevin Nash at 08:05. Triple H is in less than a minute later, but he gets so distracted shouting at Goldberg that he EATS a superkick from Michaels before he can even get out of his chamber. Nash is still in the ring, and dishes out JACKNIFE POWERBOMBS for Jericho and Orton on his way out. Orton, Michaels and Jericho stand in the middle of the ring swinging punches at each other…and here comes Goldberg! Crowd goes nuts as the former WCW Champion storms in and decimates everyone in the ring. PRESS FRONT SLAM on Orton. SPEAR! Orton eliminated at 13:04. Then he effortlessly press slams Jericho into the chain. HHH is hiding in his chamber by the way. Goldberg has Jericho in his sights…SPEAR THROUGH A CHAMBER DOOR! HBK manages to knock him down for the top rope elbow drop. Sweet Chin Music ducked. SPEAR AGAIN! JACKHAMMER! Michaels eliminated at 15:20. Goldberg ducks down again…SPEAR ON JERICHO! JACKHAMMER AGAIN! Jericho eliminated at 16:05! It’s down to two…and as Goldberg stares down HHH…Ric Flair holds the door shut so Hunter is safe. Triple H starts taunting Goldberg. WHO KICKS THROUGH THE F*CKING GLASS! Within seconds Goldberg has busted HHH open by throwing him into the chains. He goes for the Spear…COUNTERED WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER TO THE HEAD! Flair slipped Hunter the sledgehammer…and Hunter wins it at 19:15
Rating - **** - I gave it a 4* rating when I reviewed the compilation DVD, and I stick by that. Of course this match has its problems, but it is also so much fun. Goldberg was booked brilliantly for perhaps the only time in his WWE tenure…and he should have won the belt here. The crowd, who had been indifferent to him all night, were absolutely LOVING him by the end. The time was right to pass the belt to him, particularly with The Game barely able to walk. Michaels and Jericho were brilliant when they got together, Nash was kept to a minimum, Orton protected HHH and stayed out of the way of the more experienced guys…and in truth Hunter's non-participation actually contributed to Goldberg's aura. The crowd was absolutely ravenous to see him taken apart by big Bill. This one rushes by in a blur, and I still love watching it
Tape Rating - ** - The first hour of the show is utter garbage, and in truth this is a pretty weak Summerslam overall. The two main events delivered, but you could skip everything else on the show and miss nothing. WWE’s pay-per-view product was really inconsistent by this point, and this one has far more bad than good. If you have WWE Network thankfully you can skip most of the night and just check out the title matches.
Top 3 Matches
3) Eddie Guerrero vs Chris Benoit vs Rhyno vs Tajiri (***)
2) Triple H vs Goldberg vs Randy Orton vs Chris Jericho vs Shawn Michaels vs Kevin Nash (****)
1) Kurt Angle vs Brock Lesnar (****)